The Misadventures of Judy and Nick
by RoboBoogie
Summary: From nosey parents who make too many assumptions about Nick and Judy's relationship, to unusual cases that require skill sets that both of them lack, these are the Misadventures of Judy and Nick. (Note: If you want to skip to the first 'mystery' chapters 1 &2 can be safely ignored) Art Credit: Saicoro Deviantart
1. Chapter 1: Lunch with the Hopps

Nick glanced at his phone to check the time, he noted with annoyance that they were apparently picking "something" up at Judy's place, though she was exceedingly vague as to what that "something" was. He didn't like it when she was vague, it usually meant that she was trying to trick him, and knowing her, she would probably succeed. From past experience he knew that this could easily turn into a series of mind-games and tricks, leading to both of them wasting their lunch break. As they neared the apartment building Nick noticed two rabbits standing in front of the building. He didn't think much of it until they got closer, as they looked oddly similar to Judy. Nick didn't want to say anything especially not 'hey Judy those your parents, not that I think all rabbits look the same...' He really did think that they looked like they might be related, but better safe than sorry.

"Oh good they found the place!" Judy sounded slightly relieved.

"Who found the place?"

"My parents!" Nick grinned a little bit, he should give himself more credit for telling these bunnies apart.

"So uh... Why are they here?"

"We're taking them out to lunch!" Nick rested his head on one paw as he leaned against the door.

"And I got dragged into this how?"

"Oh don't be like that, they'll love you!"

Nick sighed deeply. "Alright fine, but I really don't want to spend my whole lunch break talking about different kinds of carrots." The car, which had been gradually slowing down as it approached the curb now came to a sudden stop, sending Nick into the dashboard before being caught by his seat belt.

"Mom, Dad, get in! There's this great coffee shop that me and Nick go to that I have to show you!" Mr. and Mrs. Hops got into the large police cruiser, each one letting their eye rest for a little too long on the back of Nick's head. Judy's mother was the first to speak up. "So Judy, is this your partner that you wanted us to meet?"

"Well he's not just my partner mom, Nick and I spend a lot of time together outside of work too!" Nick decided that he had to be polite and turned around to say hi to Judy's parents. As he turned to say hello he noticed that they both froze. "Um... Hi! I uh... Really like your guy's blueberry's!" Nick turned back around as quickly as he could. He hated it when other animals got scared of him and froze up like that, it always made him feel exceptionally awkward.

Mrs. Hops was the first to reply. "Oh good... I'm glad that you like them..." With every passing second the tension built until it was denser than a slice of Mrs. hops' carrot cake. Getting the impression that she was standing on the precipice of an infinite tension yawning before her Judy interjected.

"Soooo anyway, this is Nick! He's the guy that helped me save Zootopia. Really, it's more accurate to say that _we_ saved Zootopia."

Mrs. Hops was still letting her eyes bury themselves into the side of Nick's head, observing every movement of his russet profile. The rest of the ride was effectively an infinitely awkward silence that seemed to stretch on for an equivalently infinite amount of time. Fortunately, they arrived at the coffee shop only a few minutes later, though it felt as though eons had passed since Judy and Nick had gone on break.

"Here we are! Nick, can you take my parents inside and get me the usual while I find a spot to park?" Nick's ears flattened against his head, the sole thought in his mind being the ridiculous nature of her request. Turning his head to look at Judy all he saw was an entirely too big to be real smile plastered across her face. Nick knew what this meant, it was her 'please don't argue with me now smile.' Apparently she was attempting to make some sort of point and he was just supposed to go along with it. Resigned to his fate of awkward silence he opened the door and hopped out of the car, moving to open the passenger door. Mr. Hops however beat him to the door saying in a hurried tone.

"No, we're fine, we can get down ourselves."

"Oh, um okay. Anyway, follow me, this place has different entrances for animals of different sizes."

They followed Nick into the coffee shop. Somehow managing to find a distance that was just far enough away that they might not be associated with him, but just close enough that in a normal situation it would be considered awkward. Nick was now dreading this lunch more and more with every passing second. The sooner that they ate and left the sooner he could feel comfortable. Nick was no stranger to discrimination, but he preferred someone being a jerk and being upfront about their prejudice to someone trying to dance around the issue and only succeeding in making everything awkward because of it.

The cheetah barista noticed Nick as soon as he came in, giving him a smile and a slight wave. Nick felt like he was supposed to talk about the food or something, anything really, the coffee shop, himself, Judy, but at this point the only item that came to mind was the place's garden salad. He furiously began mentally kicking himself for being just as bad as those who made assumptions about him. Eventually, they reached the front of the line.

"Hey Nick! The usual?"

"Yup, oh hey also get Judy's usual too please."

"Coffee black, a mocha, two donuts and a salad, got it! Hey did you guys try that fancy restaurant that I told you about?"

"Yeah, it was great! Thanks again for the recommendation!"

"No problem! And for you folks?" Judy's parents were standing there in stunned silence as they stared at Nick. Apparently, the phrase 'fancy restaurant' when associated with their daughter was cause for alarm. Mr. Hops went first.

"I'll um, have the coffee with cream please and a cob salad." Mrs. Hops was next.

"And I'll have an iced tea and some carrot cake please."

"Got it! I'll bring your food out to you in a minute!"

Nick led them over to an empty table and pulled out two chairs for Mr. and Mrs. Hops. Before Nick had even sat down the food and coffee arrived, oh the advantages of a cheetah barista. Taking the lid off of his coffee he carefully blew on it. Nick had always loved the coffee here, ever an escape from his stresses on even the busiest of days. Nick began starring out the window when Mrs. Hops decided to strike up a conversation.

"You know what I was doing when I was Judy's age Nick?"

"No, studying agriculture?" Nick felt a wave of relief wash over him, maybe they really were only to be talking about the joys of carrot farming.

"Uh... No. Actually I was pregnant with Judy."

"Oh, well that's... Interesting..."

"Yes, well as you might know Rabbits tend to have large families, and I expect Judy will be no different."

"Uh, okay... well if that's all..."

"Of course given your situation I expect that you will be adopting." Nick clawed for breath as a doughnut became stubbornly lodged in his throat. Clearing it, he managed a wheezing reply.

"Wait what?"

"Well you two obviously can't have kits and I expect that you will be adopting. Don't worry I understand if you want to go 50/50 on foxes versus bunnies. But you should know that bunnies naturally have larger families than foxes. Not that I am trying to tell you how many foxes you should adopt... "

The rest of her statement was lost as Nick felt tidal waves of embarrassment wash over him, threatening to drown him in its embrace. He felt himself sinking into his chair like a doomed ship as his ears laid flat against his head. Through the window though he caught a glimpse of Judy, his salvation had arrived! Waving frantically through the window he got Judy's attention and in five seconds she had gotten through the front door and was now sitting next to Nick at the table.

"So Judy, why don't you tell your parents about our most recent case?"

"Oh, you haven't?" Judy looked slightly confused, their opening conversation usually consisted of the most interesting cases to date. Thankfully, taking the hint Judy began retelling their most recent case of note while Nick tried to eat his doughnut and not make eye contact with either Mr. or Mrs. Hops, while also trying to not be obvious about avoiding eye contact with them, chiming in only when it was his turn to tell part of the story.

Soon enough lunch was almost over and they would be heading out. Nick could leave this whole uncomfortable situation behind him! His relief was tragically short lived though as Judy turned towards Nick.

"Hey, I need to fluff my tail." Mrs. Hops, mysteriously, also suddenly had a need to visit the bathroom and so stood up with Judy to go and 'fluff their tales.'

Nick sat quietly as he watched Judy and her mother walk away from the table leaving him sitting with the frowning Mr. Hops. Rubbing his eyes and looking down Nick decided to nip the conversation in the bud.

"Look Mr. Hops, I don't know what you and Mrs. Hops are thinking but Judy and I-, "Before he could finish Mr. Hops jumped in.

"Oh don't worry I'm not worried about kids or anything."

"Oh, good cause we're- "

"No, I'm worried you're going to break her sweet little heart!"

"Um... Wait... what?"

"I know your type. Now, I know a fox or two out in the country, but we're all decent folks out there. You're a city fox though and I'd bet my spring harvest that you always have your eye on some other prize!"

"I don't think I understand what you're- "

"Oh yes you do, I know the lingo! You're probably on the lookout for some 'side tail' right now! Can't blame you, this city is chalked full of attractive, vulnerable females! I bet that a guy like you could be seeing three of them at any one time! "

Nick was once again trying to melt into the chair, his ears laid flat against his head. He attempted to drink from his now long empty coffee cup, the hollow hiss a clear indication of its lack of beverage. Mr. Hops was now attempting to look intimidating, sitting up as straight as he could in his chair and raising one paw. Nick might have found it funny if he wasn't so mortified that he was seriously considering running out of the coffee shop.

"I promise you this slick Nick! If I find out that you have hurt my daughter in any way than I'll... I'll... I'll find some way to make you pay!"

"Um... Okay, well uh... Oh hey Judy! Hey, we really have to get that paperwork in order for the Antelope case!"

"Nick that was only a minor- "

"Whoa, look at the time we are going to be late for our shift!" Judy shrugged and decided that Nick really wanted this meeting to be over sooner rather than later.

"Okay, well let's drop my folks off at the Museum and then we'll head back to HQ.

Awesome! Let's go!"

The trip was blissfully short as Judy dropped her parents off before giving them a hug goodbye. Apparently they were going to go sightseeing before catching their train back to Bunnyborough. As Judy gave her mom and dad a hug goodbye her mother looked over her shoulder and gave Nick a knowing wink and a half smile. Judy's father however gave him a hard stare and mouthed the words, 'I'm watching you.' Happy that the longest lunch in the world was now over Nick waited patiently in the car for Judy to take them back to HQ. Judy's attempt at small talk though seemed to only make the scenes from lunch drag on.

"So, what did you and my parents talk about?"

Immediately, having figured that she would ask this, he gave his response. "Carrot farming!" In retrospect it might have seemed a bit odd to shout 'carrot farming' so quickly and so emphatically.

"Uh, huh..."

"Yup, we talked about carrot farming and other farming... Things!"

"Right, so what did you actually talk about?"

"You're not buying the carrot farming bit huh?"

"Nope!"

Nick sighed. "Look, they didn't say anything prejudiced about me if that's what you're worried about. Well maybe just a little, but it's nothing serious! I got the impression that they really care about you though."

"Nick, come on, what did they say?"

"Can, we um talk about this later maybe?" Frowning a little bit Judy decided to let the topic go, she would have to talk to her parents about this some other time. Though, based on Nick's behavior she guessed that they would probably be just as cryptic. A little while later they arrived at police HQ and got ready for a long afternoon of paperwork. Before settling into their offices though Nick reminded Judy of something very important.

"Hey, don't forget that we're having dinner with my mother tonight."

"Oh, right! Hey since we're going to be on that side of town is it okay if I stay at your place tonight?"

"Don't see why not, I stay over your place every other night anyway."

"You just use my apartment because you can't be bothered to wake up early enough to get to the farmer's market from where you live."

Judy gave him a playful jab; she really did like his place a lot better than hers. Earning several thousand a month as a con artist can net you some pretty nice digs, especially if you're not paying taxes.


	2. Chapter 2: Dinner with Mrs Wilde

Nick had left work a little early, having asked Judy to cover the end of his shift so that he could help with cooking dinner. He loved his mother, he really did, but though she was a great mom and a great role model, one thing that she was not was a great chef. Tonight he had worked extra hard to prepare a meal that both his mother and Judy would like. He had a mushroom ravioli, and spinach garden salad with a sweet potato pie for dessert. Nick's mother was in the kitchen helping him with the baking and preparing the small items that Nick knew even she couldn't mess up.

"So Nick, is that cute bunny coming over tonight?" Nick tensed up, but resolutely kept his eyes forward, letting them burrow into the sweet potato pie that he was taking out of the oven.

"Mom, you can't call her cute! I've explained this to you before, a bunny can call another bunny cute but we can't!"

"Well, would you rather I say that she is adorable, sweet or maybe even exquisitely attractive?"

"How about you don't try and describe her appearance at all when she arrives?" Nick's mother sighed.

"Well I supposes that I could avoid talking about it, but really dear, she is such a sweet girl."

"Yes, well she is, just don't use the word 'cute' please."

A few minutes later Nick heard a buzz from the apartment intercom. Answering it, he confirmed that it was Judy and opened the door downstairs for her with Judy proceeding to follow him up to the apartment. She had never been to the apartment of Mrs. Wilde before. It was a small apartment, and all she could see at the moment was the kitchen and the dining room. Along the walls she saw the pictures of Nick as a kid and the pictures of him with his mother. What really got her attention though was the smell, because whatever they had been cooking smelled truly delicious.

"Mrs. Wilde, it smells great in here! What have you two prepared for dinner?"

"I prepared a salad dear, Nick wouldn't let me anywhere near the other dishes." Nick, looking a little annoyed at being called out so early jumped right in after his mother.

"Well carrots we have a garden salad, some mushroom ravioli and for dessert a sweet potato pie."

Nick took a moment to look just a little smug. There were lots of little competitions that he and Judy had between them, and cooking was one that he consistently won in. Judy gave him a half-cocked smile, slightly annoyed that he had decided to set the bar so high for her the next time that he came over.

"Well it smells great! Need any help setting the table?"

"Sure, here grab these."

Nick passed to Judy some plates and silverware and Judy took them to the table to set them up. Jumping on each chair and setting the dishes in place before moving over and repeating the process.

"Mom, could you please go sit down with the salad? I'll bring the ravioli and water over."

Nick's mother and Judy set themselves down at the table across from each other. Nick's mother seemed to look Judy over with unusual fondness, letting her gaze rest gently on her. Judy decided not to comment on this, figuring that it would be better to wait until Nick sat down before trying to begin a conversation. Nick soon arrived with a pitcher of water and a steaming bowel of ravioli, carefully setting both of them down on the cloth covered table. After a few polite words they began to serve themselves, Judy favoring the garden salad and Nick's mother the ravioli. Everything was going as planned, Nick deciding to help himself to a fair amount of both. Naturally everything tasted delicious, the ravioli having a nice earthy flavor to it while the salad felt clean and fresh. Having gotten their first initial bites in Nick's mother decided to begin the night's conversation.

"You know Nick; this really takes me back."

"Does it? How so?"

"Well, you see you haven't brought a girl to dinner like this since that time you were in high school." Nick had gone from chewing on a tomato one instant to suddenly sucking on it the next. Staring dispassionately at his fork he turned to look at his mother who seemed to be enjoying herself far too much all of a sudden.

"Well mother yes, I haven't brought many girls home. Besides I don't really think that we need to bring that particular story up."

"Oh come now Nick. It's a funny story, hasn't it been long enough?"

"Well it's still embarrassing, I don't really think it needs to be told."

"Well now I'm interested!" Nick wasn't sure if it was the suddenness of Judy's comment or this sudden sense of betrayal that startled him more. Resigning himself to his fate he began to pick at his ravioli, actively trying not to listen as his mother began to retell the story of his prom.

"Well dear, Nick here had asked this wonderful fox to prom with him. He liked her too, though I don't know if she felt the same way."

"She didn't, and I told you we were friends."

"I didn't get that impression when you were cooking dinner for her..."

"Mother please."

"Oh alright, anyway, he worked for hours preparing dinner and when she arrived he was so excited that he almost tripped over his tail trying to answer the door. There was only one problem."

"What was that Mrs. Wilde?"

"She arrived with another date!" Judy flinched at this, she actually couldn't remember if she had a date to her prom or not, but even she would never have stooped so low.

"So imagine my surprise when I went to answer the door and I thought that little Nick was going to have two young foxes as his prom dates. Of course I didn't know that the other fox was actually her date at the time so I was forced to assume that my little Nick had, had quite the effect on these two young females."

"Right, anyway we had dinner, we left and then I went to prom and had a great time."

"I thought you said- "

"I had a great time mom!"

Nick was starting to look just a little iterated at all of this, and noticing that he had raised his voice a little too much, decided to excuse himself for a time.

"I uh, I think I need to visit the little foxes room. I'll be right back. Feel free to dig into the pie now though, don't want it getting cold."

Nick got up and left the table, retrieving the pie from the kitchen and dropping it off at the table. This left Mrs. Wilde and Judy suddenly sitting across from each other with a fresh pot of tea.

Judy felt slightly suspicious about the whole situation. However, she wasn't suspicious enough to not grab some of the delicious looking pie that Nick had left. Grabbing a slice along with some tea she mused to herself about what seemed to be going on. It was clear that Mrs. Wilde had tried to rile Nick up for some reason, but she couldn't figure out why she would try and drive her own son away from the dinner table he had been preparing. Disregarding these misgivings however, the pie was amazing! Judy mentally added it to the list of things that Nick knew how to cook better than her. Unfortunately for Judy however the pleasure provided for her by the pie would be short lived as the reason behind Mrs. Wilde's insensitivity was about to become painfully clear.

"So how is my son?"

"Nick? Oh he is doing really well as a cop! In fact, chief Bogo has told me that we're one of the most effective teams on the force!"

"No, no, no my dear. I mean, is my son... fox enough for you? Does he know how to strut his stuff or doesn't he?"

"...I'm sorry, I don't think I'm following." Judy looked somewhat confused now, she really wasn't sure where Mrs. Wilde was going with this conversation.

"Well, perhaps it would make more sense if I told you about his father." Mrs. Wilde was now talking in a hushed tone, as if trying to tell Judy a secret across the table.

"He was one hell of a fox, let me tell you. He had this marvelous fur coat, and a set of teeth so sharp you were almost afraid that when he kissed you he might accidentally scratch your lips."

"Uh..."

"Oh wait just a minute child. I'll tell you another thing, whenever he came home after a long day at work there wasn't nothing you could do to get in his way coming home. And when he wanted to be with me he just gave me this look, and I'd know. I'd go all weak in the knees and I felt a terrible burning for him. I did the first time I met him, and every time after too!"

Judy's ears had been slowly falling with every successive word of this conversation, and now they were lying flat against her head. The same bit of pie had now been sitting in her mouth for about a minute turning to an orange sludge in her mouth and having been all but abandoned by any attempt to chew it, now perpetually stuck mid-chew. She was willing the conversation to end, hoping against hope that Mrs. Wilde would change topics, but it seemed that Mrs. Wilde had other ideas.

"I tell you what child, he was one of a kind! Never before, or after, have I ever felt such passion for another fox and boy did his performance in this here apartment warrant it. Why, there were mornings when we'd get out of bed more tired than we had been from a whole weeks' worth of work."

Judy had now set down her tea and was frantically trying to text Nick as discretely as possible, maintaining eye contact with Mrs. Wilde as she tapped at her phone below the table. Though Judy's eyes were clearly wandering, Mrs. Wilde's seemed to be transfixed on a another time and place. Maybe, just maybe, Nick could find an excuse for them to leave early.

"Well, um Mrs. Wilde it sure sounds like Mr. Wilde was a great fox."

"Oh no child, he was an amazing fox! Now, what he wasn't though was a father. As soon as he found out that I was pregnant with little Nick he hightailed it out of the city before you could even blink."

"Oh… that's terrible..."

"It is, and I hope to high heaven that my son has proven to be a better fox than him in that respect, even if it means that he doesn't leave girls like you feeling as weak in the knees as his old man. Now, I'll ask again. How's Nick?"

Judy began to realize that her breath had quickened more than she would normally allow herself. She had not been prepared for this line of questioning at the dinner table. She had assumed that they were going to talk about knitting, or quilting or some other hobby that Judy had imagined Mrs. Wilde would be interested in. Though given her son's previous interests counterfeiting probably would have been more likely. All she could do now was stall for time and hope that Nick came out of that bathroom soon with a damn good excuse.

"Well, Nick is... He's really great! And I uh..." As if in answer to her silent prayers Judy's radio crackled to life with Clawhauser coming in over the channel.

"Calling all units, emergency situation in Savannah square, please respond!" Judy's heart lifted, never before had an emergency situation involving other people's lives made her feel so relieved.

"This is Judy! Roger that Clawhauser, we're on our way! Nick! We've got a call, hurry up in there!" Coming out of the bathroom looking oddly prepared Nick darted over to the door and began putting on his shoes.

"Yup, I heard it too Judy, let's go!" Mrs. Wilde looked a little crest fallen, disappointed that she didn't get to hear from Judy about her son.

"I thought that you two had the night off?"

"Well, you never really get a night off on the force mom. Besides, duty calls!"

"Thanks for having me Mrs. Wilde! The salad really was great." Feeling slightly guilty Judy looked back before following Nick out the door. Quickly she dashed over to Mrs. Wilde and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I'll tell you about Nick some other time okay?" Looking a little happier Mrs. Wilde gave Judy a quick hug before pushing her back towards the door.

"You two be careful now!"

"Sure thing Mrs. Wilde!"

"Bye mom!"

And with that Nick closed the door behind him and tried to catch up to Judy who was already over by the stairs and heading down to the first floor. As they exited the building Nick grabbed Judy's shoulder.

"Hey, slow down!"

"But there's an emergenc- "

"No there isn't." Nick had his characteristic sly grin sitting comfortably on his face, Judy knew immediately that he had manufactured their escape from his mother's conversation.

"How did you get Clawhauser to call us so fast though? I only texted you a minute before we got the call."

"Oh, I called Clawhauser almost as soon as I entered the bathroom. You see, I know my mother and I also know how much she loves to gossip. So I also knew to keep the door ever so slightly ajar."

"So you heard..."

"Every last word. Don't worry, I've heard her talk to other people about my father. Sorry you had to deal with all of that."

"But wait, how did you get- "

"Clawhauser to give us a fake call? Let's just say that I owe him more than a couple of doughnuts come Monday."

"Uh huh..."

Nick and Judy both shifted back in their seats, feeling a little more comfortable that there was now some sense of equality between the two experiences that they had both had that day, though two people being equally horrified as well at their parents' behavior didn't quite lessen the horror per se. Letting the streetlights pass hypnotically over him Nick didn't notice until Judy had stopped where they were.

"My place?"

"What can I say? I like the bigger apartment!"

"I think that's not the only thing you like. Come on follow me. "

Nick unlocked the door to the old building and prepared to get his key to the elevator that sat on the first floor. Maybe, tonight wasn't such a bad night after all.


	3. Chapter 3: A Catnip Capper

Judy and Nick walked into police HQ as they normally did. Judy looking like the characteristic morning person that she was, and Nick looking like a zombie out of a horror film. Nick had a large cup of coffee in one paw and was nursing it with utmost care.

"I don't get it carrots; we went to sleep at the same time last night. How are you so awake?"

"I grew up on a farm silly! Early to bed, early to rise!"

"Could you maybe sound a little less enthused about it? Seriously, have you ever slept more than eight hours in your entire life?"

"Yeah, but that was when I was really sick."

"How many did you sleep then?"

"Eight and a half."

Nick stared at her in disbelief. Rabbits, there infinite energy would never make sense to him as long as he lived. For now, he would just assume that all rabbits naturally produced caffeine internally. In any case they had to get to the morning assignments. Nick couldn't help but feel like and he and Judy were being watched as they entered HQ this morning. He could have sworn he saw at least a couple of ears swivel in their direction as he talked to Judy. Then again it might have just been the sleep deprivation catching up to him. When he entered the bullpen though he was almost certain that everyone had been typing on their phones before they walked in. This assumption was based on the ear splitting silence following their entrance. Something was up, he was almost certain. Probably the usual gossip about why he and Judy always walked in together so late. To be honest, he really didn't care much about his co-worker's interest in his and Judy's relationship. At the moment, the only thing that he really cared about was getting to the bottom of his cup of Joe.

Chief Bogo, as usual, stood at his podium in front of all the officers at the head of the room. Once again, also as usual, he left Judy and Nick's assignment till the very end. Although this time it seemed like today he waited an extra-long time before telling them what their assignment was, but maybe that was just sleep deprivation talking. Evidently it was not as the silence lasted long enough that Judy spoke up, thinking that he might have forgotten about them.

"Um, Chief Bogo?"

"Yes officer Hops?"

"You haven't told us what we're doing today."

"Well yes, that's because I have a slightly different case for you two today. You see, I need you two to go on a particularly delicate operation." Judy looked rather excited, causing Nick to merely roll his eyes at the never ending enthusiasm of Judy.

"Great, the more delicate the case the more complicated the paperwork right?"

"Right you are Nick. As usual I am assuming that your, colorful, history will be of assistance to this case. I would like you two to start out by looking into 'The Scratching Post.' It's a feline night club and we have reason to suspect that it is also one of the major entry points of nepetalactone into Zootopia." Judy raised an eyebrow and cocked one ear at this.

"Nepetalactone?" Nick leaned on one paw and sighed a little.

"The Green Dream, Kitty's Delight, Tiger's Eye, take your pick carrots. It's an oil derived from a plant that has a psychoactive effect on felines." Judy perked up a bit, seeming to catch on to what he was saying.

"Oh you mean Nepeta cataria!" Nick looked a little confused.

"I'm going to guess that is its professional name, but the rest of us call it catnip." The dots now connecting Judy realized just what Bogo was assigning them.

"We're busting a catnip ring!?" Judy looked utterly shocked. She knew that psychoactive drugs were a problem, but catnip was one of the most heavily controlled herbal substances she knew about. Nick, who was now sitting up a little straighter, continued the conversation about the case.

"So how much and how often?"

"We have at least fifteen hundred kilos coming in per week. That's an estimate based on how much we have been seizing around town lately. As far as we know this club is the primary distribution center." Judy let her jaw go slack, fifteen hundred kilos?

"So, do we have any suspects?"

"Dozens, but we want to find out where this stuff is coming from and shut it down, not just arrest a bunch of strung out felines. Let me know if you need anything to help you with your investigation." Nick now seemed to be fully awake and already had a look that suggested that he had a few ideas about how to go about solving this particular case.

"Actually chief Bogo, there are a few things that I think we could use."

Meanwhile, outside the bullpen a small swarm of officers had gathered around the door. All of them were utterly silent, each of them having their ears pressed up against the side of the door. [Marco] The Rhino was the first to speak up after having listened to their conversation for more than a couple of minutes.

"Damn, I could have sworn that Chief Bogo would have reprimanded them today." Another officer spoke up next.

"Yeah, I mean Bogo must be suspecting the same thing as the rest of us right?" said another

"Unless he thinks that they _aren't_ in a relationship." Inquired a fourth

"How could they not be?" said a fifth

"Well, that's the reason for the betting pool isn't it now?" a sixth officer replied

Standing just down the hall with his phone held in both paws was Clawhauser, carefully videotaping the whole affair of a dozen cops pressed against a door taking bets on the relations of two other officers. Having collected more than enough video evidence of illegal gambling Calwhauser decided to make his presence known.

"Well, well, well… Look what we have here. A bunch of cops who are attempting to listen in on one of Chief Bogo's private conversations. I'm sure that he'd love to see this!" All of them looked slightly panicked at the notion of chief Bogo finding out that they had been listening to him talking to Judy and Nick rather than getting their assignments done.

"Come on Clawhauser! You have more money in this pool than any of us, we know you want to know just as bad as anyone!"

"Maybe I do, but right now I think I could really use a couple of cream filled donuts for lunch." Having now caught onto the nature of his game the rest of the cops stood up and got back to heading off to their various assignments. Once again, Clawhauser's doughnut hustle had found its mark. It was a little known fact, but Clawhauser had never paid for a single doughnut as long as he had been with the ZPD.

Shortly after the departure of the other officers Nick and Judy left the bullpen with chief Bogo, Nick apparently still explaining his plans to the chief.

"It's simple really, we go to the mall, get some trashy clothes while you requisition the items that I listed."

"You're the force's expert Nick, I'll leave you to it."

Chief Bogo parted ways with Nick and Judy as they headed towards their patrol car. Judy wasn't entirely following Nick's logic with this case.

"I don't get it, why do we need to go and buy entirely new outfits just for this case? Aren't our normal clothes enough?"

"Judy, Judy, Judy, after all this time you still don't know how I was so effective on the streets for so many years."

"I thought it was just that you were good at lying."

"Well, that's just oversimplifying it. You see carrots, to make someone believe in a lie you have to not only act the part, but look it too. In this case we need to look like the kind of people that happen to go to this sort of establishment. More specifically, we need to look like the kind of people that might be selling Tiger's Eye."

"Okay, which means … what … exactly?"

"Well it means that you need to look less like a morally tight laced goodie two ears who has never done anything illegal in her life, and instead more like someone who lacks the drive to succeed on their own and thus still depends on their parents, somehow finding within them the audacity to guilt them into helping them buy psychedelic leaf oil."

"That's horrible! And… really sad…"

"Oh the simple joy of knowing your audience Judy. Now let's get some new 'threads' and start looking like these individuals who make all too questionable life choices."


	4. Chapter 4: Dress for Less Than Success

Judy couldn't help but note the irony of the situation that she was now in at the mall with Nick. Usually, she was the one dragging Nick around from store to store. Today it was Nick doing that, and the stores that he had chosen were definitely not the kind that Judy would have gone to on any normal day. First up was, "The Sad Panda." The entire store was lit up with an odd mix of UV lights and lava lamps. Furthermore, it seemed to Judy that the clothes on the racks consisted of only two colors, black and gray. Nick looked around for a bit before shaking his head.

"Nope, this isn't going to work. Too sad, the kind of individuals that we are supposed to be _selling_ to are more interested in being happy about finding laser dots and empty boxes than emotional turmoil."

With that they went to "Mango Confederacy" where Nick started to find what he was looking for. Grabbing a couple of very expensive polo's and a few short sleeved button up shirts along with a few pairs of shorts he went into a changing room. This left Judy alone to study the aisles and look for something for herself. A quick look around led her to the women's section and an entire aisle full of dresses. Sundresses, short skirts and regular long dresses, the whole lot was laid out in front of her and she actually liked most of them. As she was looking through the dresses though she noticed that the prices on them were a little steep for her. Spotting someone standing at the end of the aisle in chico's and a fancy black polo Judy figured they must be staff and decided to ask them to help her find cheaper versions of what she liked so far.

"Excuse me sir? I was wondering if you help me find something like this that's about three sizes smaller and around one third the price." She hadn't really looked at their face, more interested in the clothing that she had inexplicably found herself suddenly attached to. He bent over so as to bring his face level with hers and lowered his aviators.

"It's me carrots." Judy looked a little startled while Nick cracked a wide grin. "Told you I was good at this sort of thing. You thought that I was an employee huh?"

"Well, yeah but only for a little bit."

"I got you carrots, admit it. Now, let's see what you've got here… What is this?"

"A dress!"

"You were going to wear a dress to a nightclub?" Judy looked a little confused, not quite picking up on just what she had gotten wrong.

"Judy, when you go to a nightclub, especially the kind that we're going to, you are going there to dance around, get strung out and make some really bad choices. Perhaps they are at the time fun choices, but by the next day they usually end up being bad. In this case, that means that you ought to go there wearing shorts and a tank top."

"Wait, I thought you said that we were going to dress up like dealers."

"We are, and in general, dealers just dress up like slightly classier versions of their clientele. Which means for you, shorts, a tank top, a cap and maybe a shirt to go with it, and I'm pretty sure that you have all of that in your closet." Judy looked a little disappointed at this, letting her ears droop slightly as she went to put the dress back on the rack. As she turned around though Nick lifted the dress up and away from her and gave her a little smile.

"I didn't say that we couldn't get it anyway."

"But it's not needed for the investigation!"

"Sure it is, it's um… Needed in case we need a change of clothes! You know, next week or something. Besides, it's not like chief Bogo is going to examine the ZPD's investigations bill all that closely." Judy's face now made a rapid transition at that moment from minor disappointment in fashion choices to one of major disappointment in her partner's rather lax morals.

"Nick you are not putting that on the ZPD's card!" Nick rolled his eyes as they stood in line at the cashier.

"Fine, I guess this means that _I'll_ just pay for it." It always surprised Nick how quickly Judy could go from 'disapproving glare' to 'hugging him so tightly he couldn't breathe.'

Leaving the mall Nick then told Judy to drive them back to HQ, having apparently just gotten a text from Bogo about his 'special request.' Entering HQ Nick made sure to make his presence known, since someone might find it suspicious that a fox in a black polo and chico's was just strolling through the ZPD. They then made a beeline to Chief Bogo's office. Opening the door Judy was overwhelmed by the smell of… Mint? Judy was more than a little bit confused.

"Why does this place smell like my grandma's house?" Chief Bogo shrugged and nodded towards Nick.

"Ask him."

"Simple carrots, on the street certain individuals mix mint and other similar herbs with catnip to both obscure its scent and appearance." Almost kicking herself at how obvious it was she realized what Nick was doing.

"Oh, that's right. They're both part of the family Lamiaceae! Same as Mentha and Lavendula!" now Nick looked more than a little confused.

"If you're trying to say that catnip looks similar to mint and a few other herbs then yes. That's why I asked chief Bogo here to buy us a few kilos of them as well as some concentrated oil."

"And that's why my office now smells like a damned scented candle shop."

"Relax Chief, if anything it might help to put you in a better mood." The low growl and Bogo's glare quickly sent Nick's ears flat against his head.

"Kidding…" Judy was too busy thinking to notice the little confrontation between Nick and Bogo however.

"Chief Bogo?" He turned his head slowly

"…Yes Hopps?"

"If we are going to be undercover for this operation shouldn't we be driving something a little less… Conspicuous than a squad car?"

"Right you are Hops, follow me." Chief Bogo got up from his large desk and led them out of his office towards the back of HQ.

Taking them outside into the parking lot they followed him towards a large tarp covered vehicle that stood apart from the rest. Nick rolled his eyes a little at this.

"Let me guess, it's an old four cylinder that barely hits sixty?" Chief Bogo raised an eyebrow.

"Actually officer Wilde," he removed the tarp, "it's a V8 with over 500 brake horse power and a leather interior." Nick's jaw went slack and his ears perked up. He couldn't believe that the ZPD had something this nice just sitting around in its lot. The beautiful all black car looked like something from a police drama. The sporty appearance making it just _look_ fast even when it was merely sitting there, perfectly still.

"Wow…" More complicated words to describe his interest in the vehicle had escaped him for the time being. Bogo, noting Nick's admiration, added an addendum to his statement.

"I am rather found of this car myself Nick. Actually, I'm planning on buying it when we decide to retire it in a few years. I'm giving it to you two for this investigation under one condition."

"What?"

"Hopps is driving." Nick looked utterly crestfallen, while Judy on the other hand had a grin slowly creeping across her face. Nick glared a little at her as Judy attempted to stifle her enthusiasm, failing as her nose began to twitch and foot rapidly thumped a staccato on the pavement. Giving up Nick let his head fall into his paws.

"Go ahead carrots, let it out." Judy let the smile take full form and jumped into the air to grab the keys that Bogo was now holding out.

"YES!" Nick let out a long sigh.

"Alright carrots, let's get all this back to my place. We need to make something that looks like catnip."

Jumping into the car, Judy enthusiastically made the necessary adjustments to the seat and pedals making sure that they were all in their proper position for her as Chief Bogo looked on with an almost imperceptible sliver of admiration. Nick meanwhile, seemed to move like a kit that had just been scolded. Dejectedly closing the door behind him he put on his sunglasses and leaned back into the seat. Someday, he would be as good a driver as Judy, but until then he could always rely on his characteristic snarky comments.


	5. Chapter 5: A Night Out

It wasn't long before they were back at Nick's apartment and they had all of their materials spread out across Nick's table. They divided up the job into two parts, Nick would cut up the lavender and mint while Judy mixed the oils and added them as needed to the pseudo 'nip, until the absurdly fragrant mass was sticky enough to clump together easily. Eventually, their noses soon adjusted to the fact that Nick's apartment now smelled like what a scented candle commercial portrayed. The kind where an unconscionable amount of smoke and oils are concentrated in a small room to the point that the individual living in the room apparently begins to slowly suffocate and suffer from oxygen deprivation as they collapse into a nearby chair. At least, that is the impression that Nick always got from those commercials.

Judy had been attempting to clean the gunk from her hands periodically until, after a dozen trips to the sink and using very hot water, it became apparent that such was an utterly pointless affair. Noting her frustration Nick commented on the situation.

"Sticky huh?" Judy looked up at Nick who had his face down dicing leaves on the other end of the table.

"You knew this would happen didn't you?"

What? The person who seems to know exactly how to imitate the look and smell of street catnip also knows what the worst part of the job is and happened to assign it to someone else? Unthinkable!" The sarcasm in Nick's voice was thick enough that it would have been more accurate to describe it as a solid concentrated mass.

"Come on Nick, this stuff is really sticky."

"Uh huh, sounds like the same complaint that you had last weekend…"

"That was your fault and you know it!" Nick glanced up, forming a half smile.

"Carrots, you can't seriously expect me to be able to control something like that on the spur of the moment."

"What? Of course I can, besides you could have given a little head's up first!"

"I don't think that would have helped carrots."

"What do you mean?"

"There was maple syrup on the walls Judy…"

"Those pancakes were amazing! I couldn't help- "

"On the walls Judy! You could at least try using silverware next time…" Judy looked a little annoyed and also slightly embarrassed at this point having been brought up. She really didn't understand what it was about his pancakes that made them so incredible. It was all she could do to keep herself from eating the plate which they had been served on.

"I just don't get it; you must have put something in them!" Nick just looked down at his work, shaking his head.

"It was only carrots Judy."

Judy sighed and re-focused on the task at hand. Nick glanced up and noticed her looking intently at her work. Discretely, he looked back over at the counter and noted the position of a small wooden pepper grinder. However, Nick knew that instead of pepper it contained a bit of dried up night howler. Honestly, it had been an accident that Nick mixed up his pancakes with Judy's. He had started adding powdered night howler to his food after the fiasco at the museum. He figured that he would see if he could build up a resistance to the plant. Although, he had to admit; the results of seeing night howler added to Judy's pancakes was far more entertaining than he could have imagined.

After they finished mixing all of their herbs and oils, Nick grabbed a pile of canvas square and started putting half a cup of the mix into the center of each one of the squares followed by twisting and then tying them closed. This resulted in small fragrant bags that would give a very pungent scent when squeezed, if they had been full of catnip it also would have given the owner a nice dose of nepatalactone. Judy noted the speed and efficiency with which Nick worked with a small amount of concern. She knew that he had had many jobs in his life, she just hadn't considered that 'drug dealer' might have been one of them. Nick had of course assumed that Judy would be wondering about this point since he came up with their plan in front of Chief Bogo, and he was truly rather surprised that she hadn't said anything about it. He knew how she thought, so he figured that it was better to correct her thinking now than to let it fester in ignorance.

"So carrots, I bet you want to know how I got so good at this huh?" Judy's head and ears shot up in an instant.

"No! I mean yes! I mean maybe!" Judy always hated how Nick knew exactly what she was thinking sometimes. Then again, she really was curious about just how he had picked up on these skills.

"Well, let me start off by saying that I didn't deal in this stuff. Technically, I never _knew_ that I was packaging catnip."

"You mean to say that you had plausible deniability right?"

"Right you are carrots, as usual I _always_ stay on the right side of the law." The grin on Nick's face was now threatening to turn into a full on smile. He continued his reflection on his part time job from years past.

"As far as the law was concerned, I was being employed some spiritualists to make personal air fresheners to help 'balance chi.' Then again, I doubt that many spiritualists you know walk around with personal body guards and wear full three piece suits." Judy snickered a little at this, contemplating the image of their naturalist yak friend in a suit. For some reason, she also pictured all of the fly's surrounding him also wearing suits, the thought forcing a second bout of snickering from her.

"Why did you leave that job?" she said flicking a tear from her eye

"Figured I could make more on my own. Good thing too, their place was raided a week later."

"Oh…"

"Yeah, it was bound to happen eventually." Judy looked a little surprised, but nothing more than a passing second of realization. Nick had worked many jobs before and the fact of the matter was that he had avoided ending up in the ZPD database for all those years because he possessed an eye for when things would go south. It was that intellect and that ability to analyze the situation that made Nick such an awesome cop, though it also made him a bit of an insufferable jerk at times too.

Judy and Nick spent the next few hours finishing up their task and put all of the canvas balls into their large black backpack. As the sun set outside his kitchen window Nick grabbed a glass of water and set himself down on a sofa to get comfortable. As he sat down and turned on the television though his view was blocked by Judy who was now wearing the shorts and tank top that Nick had suggested previously. Nick continued to stare straight ahead, attempting to ignore the obvious obstruction.

"Hopps…" Judy tapped one of her feet whilst trying to stare Nick down, a technique that had yet to bear any fruit.

"Shouldn't we get going?" Nick casually glanced upward at Judy and then back to where the television ought to have been.

"Judy, you understand that it's a night club right?"

"Right, and it's currently _night_." Judy stood there motioning towards the kitchen window. Nick let the silence hold in the air as he gave himself a long sigh.

"Carrots, have you ever been to a night club?"

"No… But it sounds self-explanatory…" Nick rolled his eyes and motioned for Judy to sit down next to him on the sofa.

"Sit down carrots, we're not leaving until ten. Until then, why don't you pick what we watch, then fall asleep in an hour and drool on my arm."

Judy sat down next to Nick and got comfortable, deciding not to mention the fact that she had only drooled on him once. Although, she decided that tonight might be the _second_ time that it happened.

Several hours and a damp shoulder later, Nick figured that it was about the right time to get going to the night club. Shaking Judy awake he went over to the kitchen and grabbed some coffee which he had set on a timer. He thrusted the coffee towards Judy who seemed to be slowly coming to realization that they were heading out to the club now. Taking a sip of the coffee and rubbing her eyes she tried to figure out what time it was.

"What time is it?"

"1am." Judy looked a little shocked.

"Everyone has probably gone home Nick! Why'd you let me oversleep!?" Nick simply shook his head as he adjusted the backpack.

"Look carrots. First of all, this is a night club, which means that the place probably didn't start to pick up until after ten. Second, this is a night club that is frequented by felines and they love the night. Which means, we're going to be right on time." Judy shook her head and looked up in time to see that Nick was already part of the way out of the door. Grabbing a few things, she rushed out to follow him.

Nick watched carefully as Judy drove the car down the largely empty city streets, trying to pick up how she was driving stick. He had never learned how to drive stick himself, but he figured that if carrots could do it he probably could too. Judy noticed that he was attempting to observe how she was driving and so decided to give him a little show. Letting her country instincts get the better of her she let the pedal drop when they were close to the club and did a burnout from the light followed by a trick downshift as they rounded the last corner. Nick, who had been watching attentively was pushed back into his seat, his ears laid flat against his head.

"I guess that's one way to make an entrance." Judy smiled back at him.

"Don't worry, if we have some time with this car after the case I'll show you how to drive stick." Nick allowed himself a little smile.

Judy's little stunt though had turned a few heads, including the bouncer that they were walking up to. Nick walked up to the bouncer with a slight swagger, an attempt which the bouncer seemed unimpressed with. The bouncer was a massive elk who stood in front of the club wearing a neat polo and a dark pair of sunglasses, as Nick tried to pass him into the club he shifted to stand in front of him.

"Where do you think you're going eh?" The huge elk spoke with a thick northern woods accent; he clearly wasn't from around town. Nick tried to play it cool, pretending not to even notice that he had just been denied entry into the club.

"I'm just meeting up with a few friends inside, they told me that it wouldn't be a party without me." The bouncer looked unimpressed.

"Yeah sure, I tell you what. Why don't you wait out here and I'll tell you when you get in huh?" Judy, who had been standing behind Nick, poked her head out from his side and glanced up at the bouncer. Noticing her the bouncer relaxed a little and lowered his glasses to get a better look at her.

"That your car?"

"Uh… Yes."

"What do you have under that hood eh?" Judy brightened up a bit, although she hadn't spent that much time with the car she had at least read all the important information on her phone while Nick was watching TV, before she began her drooling slumber of course

"Supercharged V8, it puts out over 500 horsepower and has around 550 foot pounds of torque at peak power."

"Nice…" With that the elk slowly nodded and moved the velvet rope aside motioning for Judy to enter the club. Nick looked on, astounded as ever by the fact that Judy was always seemed to be able to go anywhere that she wanted. Apparently as an afterthought Judy looked over her shoulder and nodded towards Nick.

"He's with me by the way." The elk shook his big head a little, the movement of the antlers making it seem like the whole thing was in slow motion.

"Whatever, you just don't cause any trouble eh?" Nick brightened slightly and walked past the bouncer, giving him a little salute as he walked past.

Entering the club their ears were assaulted …by the quietest electronic music that they had ever heard. It was a very dim rhythm that seemed to smear out across the entire sound spectrum, with the highs and lows almost falling out of their respective ranges of hearing. The melody seemed to float and drift in its long easy loop creating a trance like atmosphere that the various large felines seemed hypnotized by.

Approaching a table near the dance floor Nick and Judy noticed a Tiger and a Leopard sitting across from each other, each one following the swirling patterns of light cast by the various spot lights and filters. Sitting near them they decided to see if they could get some information on who they were getting their catnip from. Nick decided to try his luck first with the tiger who hadn't really noticed them yet. Grabbing the seat next to him he tried to strike up a conversation with the big male.

"He there-" The huge tiger turned to him in less than a second, letting one of his claws reach from the tip of Nick's nose to his chin.

"Shh… Don't be so loud…" Nick managed a slight squeak as his ears retreated from their upright position to lie flat against his head.

"Uh… Okay… So me and my friend here –" The tiger turned towards the leopard and then looked towards Judy.

"Hey… These two are friends…" The leopard looked down and to her left towards Judy.

"Really? Wow, that's awfully open minded of you…" At this point Nick had moved from being scared of the massive felines to being slightly impatient.

"Right, so we were wondering if you guys would like some free catnip." They both turned towards Nick as if a laser pointer had landed on his head.

"Free?" Nick suddenly felt a pang of fear returning.

"Yes… All you need to do is tell us who you normally buy your catnip from." The leopard seemed to still be processing the offer.

"You said free right?"

"Right."

"Like… No money right?"

"Yes…"

"Whoa…" Shaking his head, Nick tried to get the conversation back on track.

"Anyway, who do you two normally buy from?" They both looked towards each other and just shrugged a little.

"You guys seem alright… We usually buy from the deer over there, but you can't just go up to them though, you need to get the DJ to introduce you." The tiger motioned in the general direction of the DJ who was working the synthesizer.

"Thanks, anyway here's the catnip we promised."

Both of their eyes went wide as Nick took out two little bags of the fake catnip and handed it to the two of them. Inhaling deeply, Nick looked on nervously, he hoped that these two were addled enough that they wouldn't notice that he had handed them what were basically very sketchy looking air fresheners. The leopard spoke up after taking a long sniff on the bag.

"Mmmmm…. That smells good…" Judy looked up and started to scooch away from the leopard, hoping to get away before she noticed that the bag didn't contain any catnip.

"Well, we better go talk to that DJ now – " Before she could withdraw any further a large paw had reached around her shoulder and had dragged her closer to the big cat.

"Wait just a second their honey, you two gave us some free catnip, and we really want to thank you for it." Judy started to breathe a little faster as she gave a panicked look to Nick.

"That really won't be necessary-" Nick was now being pressed into the side of the tiger next to him as well. The only thought running through both of their minds was that they hoped these two hadn't figured out they had been tricked. Almost in unison, the two big cats bent down towards their respective captives and opened their jaws ever so slightly. Nearing their captives, they stuck out their tongues and began to languidly groom the two of them.

Nick and Judy merely stared at each other, at first in abject terror, and then abject confusion, followed by an increasingly awkward silence as the sound of their hair being groomed and the quiet techno music filled the air. Unable to move they sat quietly as the seconds turned into some of the longest minutes of their respective lives. It wasn't until they had been thoroughly groomed that their captors allowed them to leave. Watching their awkward exit, the two large felines went back to taking long sniffs of their small canvas balls with one hand, and giving them small, slow waves with the other. Judy, fearing that saying _anything_ would attract attention in a nightclub filled with felines, motioned towards the DJ. Nick nodded in confirmation as he furiously attempted to fix his hair which had been whipped into a strange kind of Mohawk by the tiger's grooming.

They neared the DJ who was wearing dark sunglasses and a sweatshirt, his head carefully bobbing up and down in time with the rhythm that his synthesizer was pumping out. Standing near him it became apparent that his headphones were leaking sound that was slightly louder than the speakers that were surrounding him. Judy tried to get the DJ's attention, jumping up and waving in front of him. All she got back from him though was a muttered "no requests," as his face stayed buried in the synth. Nick nudged Judy to one side and took out his wallet at the same time. He took out a few sizable bills and then laid them down on the synth for the DJ to see.

"I told you I…" His bobbing stopped as he picked up the bills and carefully examined them before putting them in his pocket. Apparently, Nick had caught his attention as he removed his headphones, quickly turning down the volume so as not to upset the clientele. In a rather ironic scene, the deer bent over and huddled with the other two, whispering to them in a nightclub so as not to be heard.

"Alright, what do you guys want to hear?" Judy smiled a bit.

"DJ Flop-ze, Hoe Down Hustle!" The DJ nodded, a note of appreciation his face.

"She's not half bad in my opinion, though I am not the biggest fan of the synth country fusion genre." Judy smiled a little at this, apparently this was a topic that she had a bit of an interest in. Nick stood off to the side, surprised that Judy apparently had an interest in club music first of all, and second that she seemed to have totally forgotten the reason that they were at this club in the first place.

"She's from my hometown actually, I was in school with her!"

"Really that's pretty cool eh? Hey, do you think she might do a show in town sometime? I wouldn't mind cutting a couple of collaborative projects." Nick decided to interject at this point, having the sinking feeling that these two were about to go on a long tangent.

"Carrots here will let her friend know, but first we could use your help." Looking up from Judy the deer looked over Nick.

"Oh, and what might that be eh?" Nick lowered his shades slightly and pulled out one of the little canvas balls that he was carrying around with him.

"We heard that you happen to know the guys that sell this stuff. We happen to be in the market as well and just wanted to figure out where we can and cannot sell." The deer's demeanor changed in an instant. One second he had been looking care free and relaxed but now he was all business.

"What are you playing at eh? If you want talk about that kind of thing you are going have to talk to my brother over there." He pointed his antlers towards the back corner of the club, where several large deer were standing around.

"Well, we heard that you would have to introduce us first." The deer seemed to understand what he was getting at now.

"Oh yeah sure, I see what you mean now. Yeah, that's just so we don't have to worry about cops don't you know? But seeing as your friend here seems to know a thing or two about DJ's I think it's safe to assume that you aren't cops." Nick looked slightly confused.

"I don't get it, how does that –"

"Cause they all listen to either music that is thirty years old or that Gazelle crap. Anyway, how about I introduce you to my brother eh? Oh, and I'll be sure to put on DJ Flop-ze next, but probably not that song, doesn't really fit the mood don't you know?"

Nick readjusted his sunglasses and tried not to look towards Judy who was surely giving him her characteristic smug look. He just didn't understand how she always seemed to get on everyone's good side. Then again, he supposed it was for the best. Judy was the one who knew how to schmooze and Nick was the one that knew how to hustle. Then again, maybe it all came down to the fact that she was a bunny and therefore 'cute.'

After the DJ had set the next few tracks on some sort of trance like loop he led them over to the group of deer that were standing around at the other side of the club with a few large duffle bags slung over their shoulders. Each of them were pretty large, and they were all dressed in a manner that very clearly stated that they weren't from the city. The most obvious feature being the copious amounts of plaid. Plaid usually being an indication that the individual in question was either from the north woods, or a web developer trying too hard to look 'authentic.' Other features that were difficult to ignore were the oversized hats and the massive belt buckles that looked like they ought to drag their pants down more than hold them up. The DJ nodded towards his brother to introduce Nick and Judy.

"Hey, these two are hoping to talk business, said they're looking to sell." The brother nodded and then got on one knee to get a good look at the two of them.

"So you two are looking to sell eh? I saw you talking to one of our clients over there, you're going to give us a cut of that eh?" Nick looked at the large deer and swallowed hard, he had seen situations like this before, growing up and he had a bad feeling about where this was going. Trying not to look nervous he decided to explain that he and Judy were hoping to sell to him.

"Well, you see, actually we were hoping to sell to you and uh… Well we kind of gave those two free samples but I'm guessing zero dollars isn't what you had in mind huh?"

"Oh aren't you a clever one eh? Well that's right we just kind of figured that you would be giving us whatever money you happen to have on you. As well as the rest of your product don't you know?"

Nick instinctively grabbed for the backpack, but before he knew it he and the pack were being carried into the air by on the deer that had moved to flank he as he was talking to the apparent boss. Unable to do much the other deer grabbed him and pulled him away from the pack and held him in front of the boss. The boss had stood up at this point and was now moving in close to Nick, close enough that Nick could tell that he chewed tobacco. At this point Nick's only thought was where Judy had gotten off to, he had to make sure that she was okay. The big deer though promptly cut off this train of thought before it could get very far.

"Alright you hoser, here's how this is going to work. You are never going to come back here and you are never going to try and sell any of your nip in this part of town eh. If you do, we might not be so friendly eh?" The boss nodded to the deer that was holding Nick in the air who promptly tossed him away from the group. As Nick sailed through the air he was able to catch a glimpse of Judy who was busily stuffing herself inside of one of the large duffle bags that they were using to transport the catnip. In one fluid motion she had opened the bag, hopped in and sealed it back shut. Really, it wasn't very difficult considering how much bigger the bag was than her.

Hitting the ground Nick looked over at the deer who all now had their arms crossed and were giving him a hard stare. Taking a mental note of the bag that Judy had jumped into he got up and started to walk away. Once again, despite his best laid plans, Carrots just had to go on and add her own. Hopefully, this time the end result wasn't going to be him being flushed down a toilet. Again.


	6. Chapter 6: Midnight Burnout

Nick took the hint and decided that the best course of action in this case was to get out of the club before things got ugly. He knew that no matter how clever he was that there was no way he could win i brawl, especially when it was three deer versus one fox. Leaving the club Nick walked straight to the parking lot and took out his set of keys. Even though Bogo said that he wasn't allowed to drive, it hadn't really made sense for Judy to carry both sets. After getting into the sleek muscle car, carefully closing the door, and making sure that all of the windows were rolled up; he finally allowed himself to panic.

"How can one bunny be so thoughtful and careful one second, and so irresponsible the next!? How could she in any reality think that was a good idea? How could she not think of the risks here? How could she leave a certain fox to fend for himself in a car he's never driven to follow deer to a place he's never been to bust an operation where they are clearly outnumbered?!" Groaning, Nick let his head rest on his arms that were now folded across the steering wheel. With that out of his system he decided that the next logical thing to do would be to text Judy.

Opening his phone, he was greeted by an alert saying that he had gotten a text from none other than 'the dumb bunny.' He silently mused to himself that it was probably for the best that Judy had so far never asked to borrow his phone, although he should probably update her contact to 'dangerously impulsive bunny.' Checking his messages, he found her text at the top of the correspondence list.

 _Hey Nick, I don't think that they noticed me sneaking into the bag. I have to give it to you, you sure know how to sell :P Don't worry about texting me though, I have set the phone set to 'stealth'._

Nick was relieved to see that she had learned her lesson about setting her phone to silent when on an investigation. However, there were still other problems to contend with that Nick wasn't sure Judy had thought of.

 _How much battery do you have? We don't know how long this is going to take so it might be a good idea to turn your phone off for a while. Also, what exactly is the plan?!_ Nick sat in the car in silence for a little while, waiting for the reply. He didn't have to wait very long though.

 _I figured that I would tell you when I notice us moving and then have you follow whatever car they happen to drive off in._

 _I don't know how to drive stick!_

 _Oh right… Just look up some videos and practice for a little while around the block. It shouldn't take you too long to get the hang of it._

Nick read the message over again in his mind. She couldn't be serious. He had passed all of the driving tests at the academy, but all of those cars were automatics! Nick figured though that he didn't have any time to lose and so began searching the internet for tutorials on how to drive stick. After watching them for about an hour he decided that he knew enough to at least get the car out of the parking lot. First he depressed the clutch, and then shifted the car into first. Noting that nothing bad had happened yet he felt his confidence building, and so turned the key in the ignition. This of course resulted in the car letting out a muffled burble as it lurched forward and stalled. Nick figured that this would take more than a few minutes to learn.

It wasn't long though before Nick's phone informed him that he had gotten a new text.

 _We'll be moving soon I think. Have you figured out how to drive the car yet?_ Nick's heart sank a little, so far he had driven around the block in first gear and stalled at least three times while doing it. However, he couldn't bring himself to admit to Carrots that he hadn't figured out something that she thought was incredibly easy.

 _I think I know enough to be a danger to other drivers._ It wasn't a lie; in fact, he had already almost hit a parked car.

 _Good, try and keep your distance behind their car. Don't want to make it obvious that your following them._ Of course, because a massive, loud muscle car was definitely the most inconspicuous thing on the road.

With that Nick carefully parked the car at one corner of the block, making sure that he could keep the exit to the club's parking lot in view. Sure enough, less than a minute later he saw the deer exiting the club, duffle bags being carried over their shoulders. Thirty seconds later a large pickup truck came rolling out of the parking lot and drove off down the street. Muttering to himself the steps involved Nick carefully put the car into neutral, depressed the clutch and started the engine. The big black muscle car burbled to life and lurched forward as Nick put it into first and added just a bit too much power. This was going to be an interesting experience.

Judy had meanwhile been counting herself lucky that she hadn't been discovered so far. She had figured that they tried to never sell out of stock and so always had an extra bag on hand. She had guessed correctly that the full bag in the back was that extra bag and so far she also had guessed correctly that these deer were heading home after selling for the night. What she hadn't counted on though was that Nick would be as bad at driving stick as he was. Every couple of minutes she would hear either an ear splitting roar as the car was allowed to throttle near the red line, or a slow whine as the car built up its revs from a gear shift that had aimed a little too high.

There was no way that the deer hadn't noticed this. As if to confirm this observation the very next thing that Judy heard as the truck slowed down to a stop was the engine protesting against the slowing of the car as Nick forgot to shift the engine into neutral, and apparently also forgot to break as the car came to a screeching halt at what she could only assume was a stop light. She heard a window roll down and the driver spoke up.

"You trying to intimidate us with your fancy car eh? How about I challenge you to a drag race?" Judy quietly wished that Nick didn't actually try and race the car. Based on how everything had sounded so far, it was all he could do to keep up with them. Unfortunately, her wish was answered by bellowing roar of the engine of the muscle car. The deer howled in delight as Judy readied herself for a rough bit of driving. Thankfully, being surrounded by bags of catnip made for a rather comfy ride all things considered.

Both of the cars now had their engines revving in anticipation of the light turning green. The various thoughts that were running through Judy's mind were all cut short as the roar of the engines filled the crisp night air. Tires squealed and a vague scent of transmission oil sifted through duffle bag. Judy listened for the first gear change from Nick, waiting for the engine to change tone as it shifted from first gear to second. To her surprise the shift was a clean one, moving the engine up till it reached maximum horsepower and then cleanly shifting. She decided that she would have to give Nick some credit when this was all over, it had taken her over a week to get that good at stick. At the same time though, she felt the truck lurch a little as it too shifted to its next higher gear. From what she could hear it seemed that the muscle car was beginning to pull ahead. In fact, it seemed to her that the car was pulling a considerable lead as it shifted into third gear. At around this time though she heard one of the deer shout at the others in the cab.

"Turn on the nitro Hoss!"

"You betcha!"

The tone of the engine in the truck changed in an instant as the nitrous oxide was injected into the fuel stream, letting out an ear splitting scream as an extra two hundred horsepower was pulled from the trucks engine. Judy felt herself pressed firmly into the catnip around her as the truck accelerated far faster than she ever thought a pickup could reasonably go. It wasn't long before the scream of the engine faded and the truck began to decelerate. This whole time the window to the cab had apparently been left open and Judy was able to overhear their conversation.

"Do you think that we lost him?"

"Oh yeah sure, ain't no way that he could keep up with this girl!"

"We passed his car like it was standing still eh?"

Judy stopped listening to them after that, knowing that there was no way for Nick to follow the truck at this point. She stopped for a moment and tried to figure out if there was any other way that she could tell Nick where she was. Opening her phone, she started scrolling through the various apps, stopping when she got to the one labeled 'maps.'

 _Oh right, I can use my phone to figure out exactly where I am and tell Nick where to go. Duh..._

In retrospect, Judy realized, the entire chase that had just happened was probably pointless. Then again, her phone would only be able to keep track of her location while she still had service, and as the minutes turned into an hour the number of bars on her phones reception began to diminish one by one. The only hope that she had now was that these guys stopped before she ran out of signal.


	7. Chapter 7: A Hare's Breadth

Judy tried to text Nick every fifteen minutes or so, hoping that he wasn't going to panic too much about the time between them. Then again, that might have been too much to hope for seeing as his response to her telling him to ' _just stay calm_ ' was ' _sure, cause a drug filled duffle bag in the back of a pickup is a safe place for a bunny_.' Thankfully, after having passed through what sounded like several small towns it finally seemed that they were stopping. Judy heard the pickup stop by one house and then another, each time dropping off one of the deer. During these stops she had managed to get a fix on her location; they were in the northern woods in a small town called Low Timber. Judy forwarded this to Nick, who had been waiting at a gas station for an update as to where he was going next. As she confirmed with Nick about where he needed to go, the truck pulled up to yet another stop. Taking a break from her texting Judy carefully listened to what was going on outside. The truck door opened and the last one apparently walked out, although it seemed that he was trying to walk as quietly as possible.

 _Is he trying to sneak inside?_ Judy mused to herself. _Perhaps there is someone that he lives with that doesn't approve of his 'poor life choices'?_ The answer to that question was forthcoming, and loud.

"BUCK! I TOLD YOU TO GET HOME BEFORE SEVEN!" Judy heard a muffled curse under the deer's breath. Apparently, this is what he was trying to sneak past.

"Mable… You know how long it takes to get to and from the city, besides, look at all the mon-"

"I don't give a hoot about how much cash you and them boys are raking in! You know how I feel about you selling drugs!"

"Mable, I told you that this is on-"

"Temporary! Oh yeah sure, I remember what you said! This has been a 'temporary' job for the last three years hasn't it eh?! You said that as soon as you had enough money to pay for a farm that you'd do it! Well, it sure seems to me based on the fancy clothes that you been buying me and that fancy truck that you ought to have more than enough money by now! So how about it eh? You gonna buy a farm or aren't you?"

A long silence hung in the air, Judy was sure that 'Buck' must have been looking at the ground as she heard him dig his hoof into the dirt.

"Alright Mable, you got me. I'll tell you what, this is going to be my last trip and then I'm through."

"Do you really mean that Buck, or are you just saying that to get me off your back?"

"I mean it, and if I'm a liar you have every right to leave me." Once again the silence hung in the air thick with intensity. Judy decided to use the drama outside to her advantage, texting Nick all of the information about Buck that she could. Nick didn't seem too happy with what she had given him to go on.

 _You're telling me that I am supposed to find Buck just by knowing that he 'has a fancy truck' and a wife named 'Mable?' Carrots it's near impossible to find someone on that little information._

 _In Zootopia sure, but you're on my turf now Nick and trust me, that is more than enough for you to figure out who he is._

 _Alright Carrots, I am going to start driving again so hang tight._

Mable spoke up again, this time sounding a little teary eyed.

"Oh Buck, thank you, thank you, thank you!" Judy heard the rushed footsteps that she could only assume meant that they were in a warm embrace.

"Don't worry about it Mable. Though I have to say, the boss isn't going to be happy to hear this."

"Who cares? My Buck is about to make an honest living and that's all that matters to me! You tell that damned Puma you're quitting!"

"Yeah… Sure…" He let the words fall out of his mouth without enthusiasm. Judy didn't know who this Puma was, but it seemed that Buck didn't think of him lightly. The quiet of the moment was broken though when Mable seemed to notice the back of the pickup truck.

"Oh no! You are not keeping a truck bed full of catnip in our driveway overnight! You take that back to ranch or you're sleeping outside!"

"Mable, it would only be for the day-"

"Don't care, you are not keeping those dirty drugs on our property!"

Giving a long sigh, the deer decided that it wasn't a good idea to try and argue his point anymore. Judy heard him turn and head back to the truck. She felt the truck pull out of the gravel driveway and start heading up the road. Judy knew that this deer was a criminal, but for some reason she couldn't help but feel a little sad for him. She had known others like him out in the country and that if you didn't inherit a farm or some kind of business just how hard it was to make a living. For some, turning to drugs was an escape, and for others it was a way to make a living. She tried not to think about it too hard as the car started down the road, instead focusing on the map on her phone as it struggled to get a fix on her location. With a bit of fussing she was able to get it to resolve her location, the truck was heading out of town up a small highway. Judy figured that after she got out of town, she would probably lose reception and so texted Nick the highway she was heading north on and turned off the phone. The rest would be up to Nick and his skills to try and figure out where she was as she gathered evidence at "the ranch"

It wasn't long before her signal finally gave way, and Judy realized she really was on her own. Not long after, the hum of asphalt was replaced by the crunch of gravel as the truck made yet another turn, this time onto a gravel path. Judy felt the truck buck a little here and there as it meandered up the rocky road, eventually coming to a stop. She heard Buck get out of the cab and started picking up the duffle bags. With a slight grunt he grabbed hers and lobbed it onto the porch. Judy sank into the catnip as the duffle bag landed against the hard wood porch of what she assumed was probably a cabin. She heard Buck then get out a set of keys only to hear him curse a little to himself.

"Damn it, wrong set. Ah well, the boys will be here in an hour anyway. It's not like I'm planning to be on the boss's good side anyway."

Judy heard him turn around and head back to the truck and then felt a wave of relief as she heard the truck drive off into the distance. Judy didn't have time to relax though, she had a job to do and the first part of that job was getting out of the duffle bag and collecting evidence. Cautiously unzipping the duffle bag Judy peeked one eye out and gave a cautious glance around the porch. The sun was already up and the orange from the sunrise was fading fast. If there was a morning crew arriving soon she would have to work fast. Quietly, she got out of the duffle bag, taking one of the catnip balls and putting it in an evidence bag. Stretching out her legs she walked away from the cabin so as to get a better look at where she was. Unsurprisingly, the cabin didn't have an address.

In many ways, it was perhaps the most unremarkable cabin that Judy had ever seen, standard in every sense of the word. Judy snapped a few pictures of the front of the cabin before she started to walk around the back. Judy didn't have to go far though to find out that the scale of the operation that she had uncovered was far larger than she could have ever expected. Stretching out for over a mile there was a fence that surrounded the land behind the cabin, and within that fence was what appeared to be wild fields of mint and lavender. However, just behind the wall of herbs there was nothing but catnip. Judy snapped a few more pictures and collected some samples of the surrounding catnip. As she collected her samples though she heard the characteristic crunch of gravel been driven on. The morning crew had arrived.

Judy knew that they were still pretty far away, but that didn't mean that she had a whole lot of time. Looking around she noted that there was a swamp not too far off from the property. In fact, it looked like the perfect place to observe the goings on. Moving quickly, Judy collected her samples and headed for the trees by the swamp.

As she had expected, it wasn't long before a truck carrying deer showed up at the cabin. She watched as they all got out, some with coffee and others with bottles of soda. All of them however seemed to be carrying some sort of conversation until one of them held a hoof up in the air as he stretched his head and sniffed around. Their mood instantly changed and Judy tried to follow the new conversation as best she could from where she was.

"Seems we got ourselves a guest eh?" The other deer began to sniff the air as well.

"Sure do. Although…" he took a few deep sniffs, "I don't know about you but I sure don't recognize the smell." The deer who had told them all to stop now seemed to be preparing to give orders.

"Spread out, we need to find out who's sneaking around here before we get to work." Judy felt her nose twitching, she had forgotten that deer had an exceptionally good sense of smell.

Looking around, Judy took stock of what she had to work with. There was the lake behind her, which could work, but would mean having to move even further away from the cabin and the evidence. On the other hand, there was also the swamp that was right next to her, not a whole lot there other than mud. Pausing for a moment Judy remembered a scene from an action movie where Arnold Schweinnager tried to hide from some sort of savage alien predator by covering himself in mud. In that case he had used it to hide his thermal signature from the alien's scanner. Movie antics aside, she figured that she might have actually learned something useful from cheesy action movies about concealing her scent.

First putting her phone in an evidence bag, Judy quickly removed her shirt and shorts, first burying them in a thick layer of mud and then noting their position with a few rocks and a mark on the nearest tree. Judy then quietly pushed herself into the mud, quickly covering herself in a thick layer. However, it still seemed that the deer were still getting closer. She could hear them walking through the grass and calling to each other. In one last bold move Judy crawled towards the lake and sunk herself as deep she could into the more fluid mud, making sure that everything was covered. She finally pressed herself next to a log that was resting near the water's edge on the muddy bank, hoping that its raised silhouette would help to camouflage her more. Covering her ears and nose were the worst parts, since once she covered those she could no longer hear or smell anything, leaving her senses deprived of almost any input. Furthermore, with only a small opening for her nose it made breathing feel more difficult and suffocating with every breath. She had been very fortunate that the mud near her had been as fluid as it was, but now only time would tell if her improvised deception would work.

For what felt like hours the deer paced around the edge of the lake, every now and then their footfalls being audible to Judy as she heard them drag their hooves through the thick mud. Eventually some of the deer began to give up and seemed to be walking back towards the cabin. Even through the thick layer of mud that now covered her ears, Judy was able to hear the voice of the one in charge shout some orders at the others.

"Let's bring it in boys, whoever decided to pay us a visit, it seems that they're long gone. We have a lot of work to do today so let's get to it eh?" Judy relaxed a little as she heard the last of the steps walk away from her and back towards the cabin. With the immediate threat gone, Judy began to slowly crawl out of the mud and away from the relative safety of the log that had helped to disguise her. It was at about this time that she finally began to realize what she most likely both looked and smelled like. Judy thus felt the strongest urge for a hot shower and bar of soap that she had ever felt in her life. Or at the very least, the strongest since she ate those pancakes Nick made for her.

 _Still need to figure out how he made them so good_ , she mused to herself. Unfortunately, both the opportunity to cleanse herself and taste Nick's cooking again would have to wait until after she had gotten back to Zootopia.


	8. Chapter 8: Small Town, Big Gossip

Meanwhile, Nick Wilde had finally gotten into a groove with driving stick. It amazed him how fast anyone could learn something given the right motivation. Of course, the motivation in this case was 'objective terror,' but he decided not to let that little fact get in the way of what he considered a sizeable accomplishment. He had gotten his last text from Carrots about a half hour before and had been driving ever since. Looking off to his right Nick saw the sign for Low Timber, the small town that was supposedly where a certain Buck lived along with his wife Mable. Nick shook his head in silence, how could he hope to find someone with so little to go on? Casually, he looked back at the sign and read off the population for the town. Nick could scarcely believe his eyes when he read off the population of the town, it was only two thousand! Nick knew apartment complexes that had more people living in them than that!

 _Maybe this isn't going to be so hard after all!_

Nick cruised into the small town, arriving as the sun's light changed from the ruddy orange of sunrise to the crisp yellow of morning. The main street of the small town was pretty much exactly what Nick had expected. On his left there was a bank, a movie theater, and several small shops. On his right was the town hall, the fire department and the police station. Spotting the station Nick turned the car into the parking lot and moved alongside one of the squad cars that was parked in front of the police station.

Nick was careful as he parked the car, making sure he had engaged the parking brake and everything else that the tutorials had told him to. As he stepped out of the car he saw an older squad car with a yellow star on its side rolling into the parking lot.

 _Perfect timing._ Nick thought to himself.

The large squad car rolled into the parking lot pulling up next to Nick. Out of the car stepped a massive moose wearing a sheriff's hat. He looked Nick over suspiciously, not quite sure what to make of the fox in the small northern town wearing a black polo and shorts.

"Alright mister, what do you want eh?" Nick gave a sly grin and pulled out his badge to show to the fellow officer.

"Nick Wilde, ZPD I am here following a lead." The big moose snorted unimpressed.

"Little far from your jurisdiction aren't you?" Nick lowered his sunglasses to get a better look at the big guy.

"Look, my partner is deep undercover and I could really use some help finding her, and I would rather appreciate it if you cooperated with me. You know, as a fellow officer of the law and all." The moose motioned Nick towards the station, opening the front door to reveal something out of a campy old TV show.

Along one of the walls they had a line of jail cells, all of which were empty. Sitting behind the desk was a sleeping elk with a suspicious looking bottle next to him. Nick's sly grin had turned to frown upon seeing the state of the night shift. The moose noticed this and chuckled a little.

"Oh come now, do you really think he missed anything important?" Nick was a little incredulous at this statement.

"Someone could have been mugged, or a store could have broken into, or worse. So yes, I do happen to think that he could have missed something important." Nick tried to give the massive moose a hard stare, digging deep to find his best disapproving Judy look. The moose returned it with a mirthless chuckle.

"Look slick, those are problems that you have out in your big city. I promise you that things are different here." Turning around the moose picked up the questionable bottle and sealed it up before stuffing it a drawer in the old steel desk. This jolted the sleeping officer awake who seemed a little surprised, but then immediately relaxed upon recognizing him. The elk cast a suspicious glance towards Nick.

"Whose he eh?"

"ZPD, came out this way looking for his partner who's undercover."

"You don't say."

"You betcha." Nick rolled his eyes a little, thankful that the sunglasses prevented them from seeing his disrespect towards them. At this point though, he was really more interested in finding Judy than chewing the cud with two cops who clearly didn't do anything more important than bust out of towners for speeding.

"Look guys, I understand that things might be a little different here out in the country but I really have to find my partner and hopefully shut down a catnip ring." At this point the moose had grabbed an extra chair for Nick and one for himself and motioned for him to sit down. Nick was now sitting across from the two huge officers, or more accurately the sheriff and his deputy. The moose, who it seemed was the sheriff, started up the coffee maker in the small station and got out some cups. He was the first to speak up after the waiting a few minutes for the coffee to brew and fill the pot part way.

"Alright, what do you need eh?" _I don't know, someone who moves faster than a sloth would be nice,_ Nick thought to himself.

"I need to find a Mr. Buck." Both of the other two officers bust out laughing at this.

"You need to find a Mr. Buck in a town full of deer!? Ha! Well I'll just pull out the local phone book and let you sort the rest out eh?" Nick sighed a little, his patience with these two was wearing thin.

"He is married to a doe named Mable, and drives a _nice_ truck." The other two shut up at this, turning their attitudes around from sarcastic and joking to one of the darkest glowers that Nick had ever been on the receiving end of.

"Buck Johansson is a good man mister; you better not be thinking about trying to drag his name through the mud now you hear?"

Nick got the distinct impression that this wasn't a request. Whoever this Buck Johansson was he seemed to have the law on his side for all intents and purposes. Unfortunately, at the moment it seemed that all the evidence that Nick had to go on circled around this Buck. Therefore, Nick figured that it was worth the risk to press his luck.

"Look, I'm not saying that he's growing catnip or anything. He might not even be aware that he's transporting it!" This did not seem to sit well with the two on the other side of the desk.

"Buck is an upstanding member of the community! He is a little league coach and is a key member of our rotary club! How dare you come in here accusing him of peddling drugs to a bunch of dumb cats over in your dumb city eh!?"

Nick had had quite enough of this at this point and let his temper get the better of him. He stood up and slammed his paws on the table.

"I don't care who he is! He is the only lead I have to follow right now! Not only to break up a catnip ring but also to find my partner! Now are you going to help me or not?"

The other two sat there quietly for a moment and let the silence between the three of them hang in the air until finally the sheriff spoke up.

"If you find out that he is connected to this whole mess that you're talking about, are you going to charge him?" Nick blinked a little in confusion.

"Of course, you commit a crime you do the time." The big elk on the other side of the table simply shook his big head.

"Well then… we would love to help you, but it seems that the phone is just ringing off the hook…" The elk to his right looked like he was about to correct him before receiving a hard stare from the sheriff.

"Oh… Yeah sure… We really don't have the time don't you know?" Nick took the hint and stood up to leave. For the first time in a very long while he felt defeated.

"Yeah. I know."

Nick stepped out of the office and into the cool morning air, it seemed that now he at least had a _real_ name to go with the nice truck and the doe. All he needed now was two address, the house of this Mr. Johansson and the location of the catnip patch. Find the first and he would have one of the individuals responsible for distributing catnip in Zootopia, find the second and he would find Judy. Nick pondered his next move as he walked towards the car. Before he could finish his thoughts however he felt a pang of hunger in his stomach.

 _I guess breakfast is next._

Nick hopped into the sleek black beast and gingerly put the car into reverse. Unfortunately, he forgot that one of the big rules with manuals is not to dab the gas while in reverse. A slight tap on the gas and Nick went shooting towards the edge of the parking lot forcing him to slam on the brakes and stall the engine.

 _Next thing to practice, reverse._

Getting his bearings, he turned the car back on and headed out of the parking lot. He wondered to himself how far he would have to go to find a restaurant and thought about consulting his phone for help. As he pulled up to the only stop light in town though his question was answered for him. In front of him and to the right was a diner at the end of main street. Emblazoned on its window was its name and a slogan.

"Mama Doe's, The Only Decent Coffee in Fifty Miles!" Nick sighed a little.

"Right, small towns…"

Nick pulled into the parking lot out back and walked into the mostly empty dinning establishment. It seemed that he was the only customer that they had this morning, and it also seemed that he had walked into the middle of a conversation between the waitresses. Whatever it was that they were talking about the conversation ended when he walked in. At first the three Doe looked surprised, then they looked mildly annoyed. Two of them turned away from him and carried on their conversation in low voices. The third, who must have been the most senior, walked towards Nick.

"What do you want mister?" Nick got the distinct impression that these does weren't exactly the most open minded individuals. Trying to strike his most casual tone Nick decided to try his luck once again.

"Breakfast please." The doe gave him an unimpressed look, but before she could point to the sign that Nick knew they had on the counter he decided to sweeten the deal.

"I'll let you decide the tip." The demeanor of the doe changed in an instant and she brightened up at his offer.

"How about thirty percent?" Nick tried to hide his annoyance but it peeked through anyway as his casual grin was replaced with a slight frown. The doe though seemed to get a kick out of this. Nick decided that he didn't have much choice but to accept the offer.

"That'll work." The doe gave a coy smile and hit Nick with her notepad playfully.

"Right this way honey! I'll make sure that no one spits in your food this morning."

Nick knew that the price of discrimination was high, although he hadn't exactly expected it to be thirty percent of his total meal. He tried to push it out of his mind as he waited for her to come back with the coffee. Without really thinking about it he began to listen in on the conversation that was going on between the waitresses.

"So John didn't come in till early this morning, Buck dropped him off right as I was getting ready to leave."

"They spent the whole night out at Marty's bar?" The other waitress shook her head.

"I thought that they might have but I saw Marge on the way in today and she told me that they never showed up. But I could still smell the suds on him, so I bet they went over to that _other_ bar."

"The _Dancing Doe_!?"

"You betcha." The other doe was now looking more than a little infuriated by this.

"That snake! I am gonna kill him when I get home!"

"Easy there honey. Don't worry, I've got a plan. If you just go and confront him without any evidence, then he'll just deny everything. What we need are photos. I am gonna go online tonight and see if I can higher one of those private investigators."

"Ooohh, now that does sound nice."

Nick felt the wheels in his mind turning, it seemed that he had just found his newest hustle. Before he could finish putting his plan together his waitress returned.

"What'll it be?"

"Breakfast skillet please, and some coffee no cream."

"Anything else?" Nick contemplated whether or not he should make his move. He decided that it was better now than never.

"Yes. I happened to overhear the conversation between those two and it just so happens that I am an investigator." The doe at first looked a little annoyed, but then leaned over onto the table so as to get a better look at Nick.

"Really? And you would be willing to go and figure out if our Bucks have been going to that dirty bar?" Nick let himself grin a little.

"Yup!" The doe's expression had turned from pleased to questioning.

"And what would you be getting in exchange for all this work eh?" Nick tapped his paw on the table for a moment.

"How about you make this a free meal and promise to treat future predators a little nicer." The doe laughed a little and smacked her hoof down on the table.

"Ha! Deal! You must work for peanuts eh!?"

Nick rolled everything over in his mind as he ate a massive breakfast and tried to process all the information that the waitresses were throwing at him. So far as he could tell there were four Bucks, and thankfully only one of them was named as such. There was Buck Johannsson, John Ferguson, LeRoy Miller and Josh Yoder. Apparently they all 'went out' every work night to some bar and then 'went to work.' Nick knew exactly what was going on now and made sure that he took careful notes about all of them. Finally, he took down their email address and promised to forward them the pictures after he got them. Before Nick left though he had to ask them about the odd animal that he saw being advertised on the window of a nearby store.

"Say, before I leave, what is this Jackalope?" Two of the does bust out laughing while the third gave him a very serious look.

"Quiet you two! The Jackalope is no laughing matter! It nearly got my uncle Stew!" Nick decided that he would play along, based on what he had learned so far, listening to gossip in small towns was a great way to get a bead on the situation.

"Seriously though, what is a _Jackalope_?" Nick inspected the visage of the creature painted on the general store's window. Proudly displayed beneath the picture read _Offical Jackalope Merchandise Sold Here!_ The creature looked like an odd combination of a deer and a rabbit, with the body of a rabbit, but all black and the horns of a deer. For some reason, it also had fangs. Nick wasn't really sure why it needed them seeing as it looked far cuter than threatening to him. The doe then began to inform Nick about the strange looking creature.

"It's said that hundreds of years ago this land was only populated by Rabbits. Well obviously that isn't true anymore. But the way that came to be is that there was a great war between the rabbits and the deer. The deer drove the rabbits off these lands, all except for one. That rabbit was a powerful witch who cursed the last of the warriors who tried to chase her out of the woods. She cursed them to live in the bodies of the rabbits that they had killed and only wander the night. Ever since, theoe poor creatures have been searching for new bodies for it is said that the only way they can achieve rest is by killing one of their breathen." Nick feigned interest in the story, if nothing else Judy might get a kick out of it.

"Right, so if these things are out for blood then how did your uncle Stew survive?"

"Well he did the ritual!"

"The ritual?"

"Yes sir, if a deer ever sees a Jackalope then what they are supposed to do is put their head up in the air and expose their necks. And start chanting _Jackalope, Jackalope do me no harm for I am not a brave Buck but mere Fawn._ The Jackalope has to hunt down a buck you see, so if you convince it you're a fawn then it will leave you alone."

Nick tried not to laugh at this as he imagined a bunch of deer freaking out over what was basically a bunny. Besides, right now he had to track down some equipment for this 'investigation' of his.

"Well, I'll be sure to buy a souvenir before I leave. I'll get those photos to you does just as soon as I can." Nick waved good bye and walked out of the dinner, all he had to do now was find a decent camera and he would be set.

Pausing for a moment as he unlocked the car he wondered if Bogo and Carrots would have left some gear of that sort in the trunk. Popping the trunk Nick found pretty much exactly what he had expected. There was a set of massive duffle bags that Bogo had marked in sharpie titled _Investigation Equipment (DO NOT TOUCH NICK!)._ Nick shrugged a little and figured that what the big guy didn't know wouldn't hurt him. Digging through the bags he found exactly what he was looking for, a camera with a telescopic lens, which he then almost dropped. Nick carefully set the camera equipment down and looked at his notes.

 _Next thing to do I guess is find the Dancing Doe and then wait._


	9. Chapter 9: El Patrón

Judy headed over to where she had buried her shirt and shorts. Hopefully they were now covered in enough mud that the deer wouldn't be able to pick up her scent. She figured that at this point they would be less of use as clothing, and more useful as a means of camouflage. Biting into the shirt, she carefully made various small rips and tears to use to stick in bits of nearby grass and twigs. It wasn't long before she had a disguise that looked pretty darn convincing in her eyes. Then again, she wasn't from around here; to the trained local eye it might seem entirely obvious. However, she didn't have a lot of time to worry about that.

There was more evidence to collect and she needed to figure out who this _puma_ was. Noting that she wasn't going to be able to hear very much if she kept her oh so conspicuous ears folded down, she carefully arranged two bunches of sticks and lavender to help make her ears blend into the landscape. She finished everything off by securing the vegetation with zip-ties and a fresh layer of mud. Pulling the shirt over herself she realized that the very last thing that she was going to be today was comfortable. The zip-ties and plants poked at her from every direction, but there was nothing she could do about that.

With everything in place Judy laid on her stomach and started inching towards a ditch near the edge of the property. With a little luck, and an immense amount of patience, she would be able to get a clear look at the front of the cabin and see the goings on. Waiting for what felt like hours on end she would cautiously snap pictures of everyone as they took bags full of catnip into the little cabin, and then exit carrying duffle bags that Judy could only assume were filled to the brim with the little balls from earlier. She did her best to try and record the license plate numbers from the trucks and vans that came and went, but through all of it she never could spot that puma the doe had mentioned.

As the sky began to turn a shade of orange though it seemed that Judy's luck had changed. Up the gravel road Judy heard yet another vehicle, except this one sounded different. It didn't sound like an old truck or a rusty van. This car was electric; its arrival was actually a bit of a shock to Judy who hadn't realized just how close it really was. Everything about the car felt predatory, but at the same time reserved. It's light gray exterior gave the impression of a low hanging storm cloud, while it's electric motors made an almost imperceptible whine. The small grill seemed to give the car a modest look, but the massive rear tires gave it the impression that it was ready to pounce on any smaller cars foolish enough to stand in its way. Judy figured that whoever owned this car was different from the rest of the deer and occasional moose she saw working the field behind the cabin. She was positive that this was the car that _the puma_ drove.

Upon seeing the car, the deer who seemed to be in charge called to the others, ordering them to line up for _El Patrón_. Judy got out her phone and trained the camera on the car and the others who were now lined up single file outside of the cabin. Pulling up to the edge of the line the car stopped, and out of the rear passenger side emerged a puma in a white suite. His stature was more than a little intimidating, a clearly athletic individual whose suit seemed like an attempt to hide his fitness rather than exaggerate. He reached out his massive paw to the foreman, who seemed to be shaking slightly. If he found this annoying he didn't let it show, addressing the workers with a bold but refined Spanish accent.

"Buenas tardes mis amigos! Tell me, how is my property?" The foreman looked up at the puma nervously, taking a noticeable gulp before replying to the overly friendly remark.

"It's all going well sir! We have more catn- " Judy took a sharp breath as she watched the paw of the puma shoot out towards his neck, clutching him and holding in the air while he addressed him.

"I'm sorry señor, I don't recall ever asking you about, what was it? Ah yes, _catnip_. No, I was asking you about the condition of my property. Tell me, how is my land por favor?" The deer was still being held in the air, his hooves searching around for the ground in vain. He struggled to choke out a response.

"Very… Good… Sir… Plenty of… Water… P-p-please let me… down sir…" The puma seemed to roll his eyes in aggravation.

"So sorry, I didn't catch that." The deer's eyes were bulging at this point, he looked like he was about to pass out.

"El… El P-P-Patrón… Put me down… Por… Favor…" The big puma dropped him to the ground. He fell to the ground clutching at his throat, gasping for air. Several of those around him moved to help him but they froze when the puma shouted at them.

"Don't! What you are seeing is the price of a poor choice of _words_. Do not make me demonstrate what the price of a poor choice of _actions_ is." The rest of the deer fell back in line, a few of them visibly shaken by what they had just witnessed. Satisfied with his show of force the puma once again addressed the group.

"I believe that you owe me _the rent_ now. Please, one of you go fetch it for me."

Two of the deer sprinted towards the cabin, coming back less than a minute later with a large duffle bag. A dingo emerged from the driver's side in an all-black driver's outfit and collected the bag, nodding curtly towards El Patrón before putting it in the trunk. He then moved back towards the driver's side of the car and stood at attention. The puma let the ensuing silence hang for a moment as he casually inspected his claws, pretending not to notice the nervous glances that the deer were casting towards each other. In a more conversational tone, he now addressed the rest of the group once again.

"Ah, one more thing. I heard that Buck was planning to, how do you say… Quit? Is that right?" The foreman, who was now standing back up cleared his throat. His voice cracked as he attempted to respond to El Patrón's question.

"Y-yes sir. He told me that he would talk to you about it before he took the other bucks to the bar for the night run." The puma seemed intrigued by this.

"Really? I must give him credit, I thought that he would simply run off into the night. But, it seems that he is better than that. Good to hear. Well, don't mind me. Please, get back to your work." With that the other deer all scattered and ran back to the field behind the cabin. Judy had seen them work with speed before, but now they worked as if their lives depended on it. In all honesty, they probably did.

Judy waited patiently as the sun continued to set, eventually turning the sky a dark shade of blue. Her phone had just a sliver of battery left, but she had to save that so that she could contact Nick when she got back to town. As she felt the cool touch of night the truck that she had hidden in the night before pulled up towards the cabin, buck in the driver's seat looking visibly shaken. By this point El Patrón was now sitting on the porch, his paws crossed neatly, looking down the drive. Buck stepped out of the truck, knees looking a little weak, and nodded towards the puma in the white suit. He unfolded his paws, gesturing for Buck to come over to him.

"Come, come amigo! I hear that we have much to discuss, no?" He motioned towards the dingo to give his next directive.

"Crowley, fetch us some wine and some glasses por favor." The dingo nodded sharply towards the puma and set about reaching into the large car to get the aforementioned items.

Buck tried his best to look tough, but even in the dying light Judy could tell that he was nervous. His knees buckled more than they should have and he kept looking at the ground instead of ahead. Every footfall sounded unsure, tentative, it seemed that of all the people Buck must have known, El Patrón scared him the most. He sat in a chair next to the puma who was now holding out his wine glass to be filled by his driver, suggesting that Buck should do the same. After taking a sip from the wine glass the puma opened the conversation.

"So I hear that you want to quit. Is this true Buck?" Buck took a large gulp from the wine glass, trying to avoid looking at the eye of the puma which were now boring into him.

"Yes El Patrón." The puma gave a small mirthless chuckle, apparently unimpressed with the deer's manners.

"Tell me Buck, did you have a job three years ago?"

"No."

"Did you have enough money to feed yourself?"

"No sir." The puma's voice now raised somewhat in intensity.

"Did you have ANYTHING of value before I gave you your job!?"

"No sir."

"And yet… You ask me if you can quit?"

"Yes El Patrón." The puma shifted slightly in his seat and sipped his wine. He sat there for a long moment letting Buck quietly simmer in the silence.

"How is your family Buck?" This seemed to catch Buck a little off guard.

"They're doing well enough." The puma nodded towards him.

"Glad to hear it. You have a daughter yes?"

"Yes." The puma nodded again towards Buck.

"That is good. Now, listen carefully Buck. I did you a favor giving you this job, and now that you have decided to repay that kindness by quitting, I want you to know that you now owe me _another_ favor for letting you leave. If you decide to not return my kindness though, well. I will let you decide what the cost is. Comprende?" Buck swallowed hard.

"Yes El Patrón." The puma finished off his wine and looked back out towards the drive.

"Good. Now tell the others that they can go home early and never show your face around here again."

Buck stood up as if the chair had burned him. He went over to the field and told the others that they were free to go as soon as they finished packing the catnip. He then said that he was going to be picking up the other bucks and take them to the bar before he retrieved the product, as usual. With that the others went inside to finish the final preparations on the night's shipment and Buck got in his truck and left, El Patrón watching him the whole way. After watching him leave down the gravel road, the puma glanced over towards where Judy was. He seemed to be searching for something.

 _Could he have smelled me?_

A second later his eyes passed over her, and then they met. The puma shook his head and gave a small laugh. Judy felt her heart beat quicken.

 _He couldn't have seen me. There's no way!_

The puma motioned towards his driver who immediately opened the door to the car for him before getting in himself. Judy felt a wave of relief, he hadn't seen her. Then the car started to move down the fence, heading directly towards where she was. Judy felt her breath quicken, and her heart race. She tried to breath slowly, to force herself to calm down but it only made her feel more threatened, the urge to run rising with every inch the car came towards her. The car slowed down and then stopped, the back window directly above her. Judy heard the sound of that window rolling down and it took all of her willpower not to either turn around and look, or make a break for it. El Patrón's cool Spanish accent dripped down to her ears, flowing through them like warm tea.

"Your disguise is very good my dear. However, next time do something about those lovely amethyst eyes of yours."

She heard the car start to drive away, but not before a business card landed right in front of her nose. As the car drove away Judy let herself actually start to breathe again, gulping air as if it were water. Whoever this puma was, Judy did not feel like sticking around to learn more about him. Watching the grey car round the last corner she carefully collected the card, and started to crawl backwards into the woods. With a little luck, she ought to be able to get to town in a few hours by following the road. Whether or not she would be able to fall asleep within the next week though was another matter entirely.


	10. Chapter 10: Case Closed

Nick had spent most of the day figuring out where everything was around town, focusing on pinning down the rural route the bucks drove up after visiting the Dancing Doe, and the Dancing Doe itself. Having covered the town, he had gained a pretty good idea of where everything was and how to get to it. He had also found some time to practice driving in reverse and was feeling pretty good overall about his new found driving skills, though they still definitely needed more work. Nick had also been systematically avoiding phone calls from Chief Bogo, having answered the phone earlier and been greeted with the immediate request of talking to officer Hopps. Seeing as how telling Bogo that officer Hopps was actually in the middle of an unknown forest and in an unknown condition would probably cause Bogo to blow the phone's speakers, he told him that she was in the bathroom.

Sadly, that excuse wasn't going to work when he called him the second time. Or the third. Eventually Nick decided the best course of action was to simply tell Bogo that Judy was undercover pretending to buy some catnip, and that Nick had her under observation. Bogo approved of this idea far more readily than Nick had expected, telling him to "give Judy my compliments for a great strategy." It wasn't terribly important, but it really did bother Nick that it seemed every success in their operations was always attributed to Hopps before him.

Nick had gone and gotten some coffee from the local diner and was now positioned in the parking lot behind a dumpster near _The Dancing Doe_. With a little luck, Buck and his boys wouldn't even notice him as they drove in, or more importantly, as they drove out. He sat there quietly, letting the atmosphere of the place wash over him. The sight of the cracked parking lot and the thick trees behind it. The tacky looking signs and neon that stood on the outside of the old brick building, and the incessant country music that wafted through the air, burrowing deep into his sleep deprived mind.

He couldn't understand how mammals out in the country could listen to music like this all day long. It seemed to him that all they ever sang about where trucks, does and booze, in that order. Somehow this had formed the basis of country music, and as far as Nick was concerned it was enough to drive anyone insane. Or at least kill a sizeable number of brain cells. He tried to tune it out as he focused on figuring out what settings to use for the camera, taking a few experimental photos to get the lighting right. Nick sat there awaiting the arrival of the bucks in question for the next two hours. Eventually, he heard the sound of the engine he had heard the night before. The very engine he had accidentally ended up in a drag race with.

Nick got the camera ready, he had been practicing for this most of the day and even a little after the sun had set. Peeking the lens out through the down window he snapped a few pictures of the deer as they entered the parking lot in Buck's truck. He didn't spare the shutter at all, getting pictures of the truck pulling in, then parking and then the deer walking out. He tried to get photos of the deer in profile so that they would be easier for their wives and girlfriends to identify. As the last of them went through the back door and into the bar Nick snapped his last few pictures and rolled up the window. Just as he had planned, none of them had seen him and he had all the evidence that he needed to repay the waitresses for breakfast.

Using the next hour wisely, Nick sifted through the pictures and uploaded the best ones to his phone before composing a series of emails to send off to the waitresses. He was somewhat surprised with how quickly they responded, a few of them even offered to give him other jobs if he was willing to take them. He politely declined them though, explaining that he had only been passing through. Having paid off his favors he returned to the job at hand, waiting for the return of the bucks that had entered the bar not more than an hour ago.

He had to wait there behind the dumpster for another two hours before they came out, all of them a little inebriated with the exception of Buck. Nick felt a pang of respect for the drug dealer, at least he was good enough to drive sober. The look across his face though called out to Nick; something about this deer didn't seem right. He looked distant and afraid, disconnected from the world around him as if in a dream. Nick knew this face; he had worn it himself from time to time. It was the face of a deer on death's door, a deer with nothing to lose.

The deer got back into the truck and left the parking lot. Nick gave them a slight head start, letting them travel down the road a fair distance before he started after them. He wasn't going to make the fact that he was tailing them too obvious. Easing out of the parking lot he started to follow them back towards the route that Judy had told him about earlier, their car in the distance an almost invisible set of taillights. The car rumbled through the small sleepy town, and not a light could be seen in any of the houses. Soon after, he returned to the dense forest of the rural route. The truck continued down the road, Nick carefully driving to make sure that he kept his distance from the truck. Without warning the Truck disappeared from the road as Nick rounded a corner that he had just seen the big truck pass through.

 _Must have gone up a drive._

Slowing down, Nick scanned the road, looking for the path into the woods that the truck must have taken. The dark grey of the gravel road stretching into the dark void of the forest seemed to be the answer that Nick was looking for. He felt a bit of fear grip him as he realized that he would be leaving the relative safety of the open road for the cramped gravel road. He didn't have much choice though and so cautiously started down the gravel road, willing the car to tiptoe along the path. As the road vanished in his rearview mirror though the truck he had been looking for darted out from the woods beside him, coming to a halt directly in front of his car. He couldn't turn around and he couldn't go forward. Nick felt a lump in his throat that stubbornly refused to go down as he stared transfixed at the group of deer that were now staring him down. Buck lowered his window and looked at Nick.

"What are you doing up here eh?" Nick tried to stay calm, but his ears had other plans in mind, retreating as far back as they could.

"I was um… Just passing through…" Buck snorted, apparently he wasn't convinced.

"Yeah. Sure. Alright, well your on private property and it seems to me and the boys that you are threatening us." Nick shook his head in disbelief.

"What!? No, no, no. I am very sorry if this is your property, I will leave right away!"

Nick reached down to change gears but then he heard a click and cautiously moved his head to meet the eyes of the deer in front of him. Arrayed before him were three tranquillizer guns. As far as Nick knew these were only used for self-defense against dangerous animals out here in the country. That being said, the darts that they had loaded up in the guns probably were meant for larger animals and the effects on his relatively small body were likely to be less than optimal. Nick tried to figure out if they could pierce through the glass of his car, then again, he really didn't want to find out. Buck turned back to him, a cold look in his eyes.

"Get out of the car fox. I'm afraid that this is as far as you go. Also… I'm sorry." Buck looked away as Nick heard the clicks of the other deer turning the safeties off on their tranquilizer guns.

Judy saw the muscle car and the truck from the woods. Her heart was racing as she tried to figure out what she could do to help the dumb fox. Nothing coming to mind she simply started running to the road and tried to shout at them. However, not talking all day and being fairly dehydrated made talking more than a little difficult. Instead of 'hey' there came out a high pitched growl. The attention of the deer and Nick were now all on her. She didn't know what happened though as she saw the deer, who had been in the process of getting out of the truck and surrounding Nick, now all dropped their guns and looked skyward. All of them started incoherently muttering some sort of rhyme.

She looked towards Nick who was now grinning from ear to ear. As she tried to talk though Nick raised a paw over his mouth, signaling her to be quiet. Then he bore his teeth and mimed growling at the deer, nodding at Judy to do the same. Judy was more than a little confused at this point but decided that given the current strange situation, that strange action must be called for as well. She neared the deer and the car that Nick was in growling and spitting the whole way. The deer all looked vaguely panicked as they kept their heads skyward and tried to walk back to the truck.

Crossing the road Judy got over to the driver's side of the car, drawing a questioning look from Nick as opened the door as quietly as possible. In a low whisper he tried to tell Judy to get in.

"Get in the passenger side." Judy shook her head between growls.

"No way, I'm driving."

"Judy no, we don't have time to adjust the seat. Just get in already." Judy looked mildly annoyed and ignored Nick, climbing into the car and sitting on his lap, putting her hands on the wheel.

"Judy there is no way tha-" Before Nick could finish his phrase the ears of the deer had turned towards them, followed slowly by their heads. One of them shouted towards the others as he saw Judy sitting in Nicks lap.

"Jackalopes can't drive! Get'em!"

Judy shouted at Nick. "REVERSE!"

Nick punched the clutch and shifted into reverse as Judy turned over the engine in one synchronized motion. Smacking the accelerator, the car shot out backwards, Judy shoving Nick's head out of the way so as to get a better look at the road they were backing down. Several darts went flying past the front of the car as Judy shouted more directions to Nick.

"NEUTRAL! BRAKE, HARD!" Nick took the hint, switching the car into neutral and then smacking the brakes as the car got back onto the main road. Judy swung the car into a sharp reverse turn, smacking Nick into the driver side window. He didn't have time to nurse his aching ear though as Judy gave him his next order.

"FLOOR IT!" Nick buried his foot into the carpet as Judy managed the wheel trying to keep the barely contained horsepower on the road and going in a reasonably straight line.

They were now flying down the road, the trees a blur as they passed by. Nick looked slightly panicked as he turned his head around to get a look at their pursuers.

"Carrots, remember that drag race?" Judy felt her heart go into her mouth.

"They're faster."

"Uh huh."

Exiting the woods and swerving to follow them the big truck's engine roared as Buck dragged more horsepower from it than any engineer would have ever reasonably considered possible. The truck was now screaming like a banshee down the dark country road heading right for them. Judy looked down the road, trying to think of what she could do before their pursuers caught up with them. She listed off everything that they had on them at the moment. Their car was faster, bigger, there was more of them and they had weapons. Judy bit her lip, the only thing that might have been a disadvantage was that they were all dumb deer.

 _Dumb deer._

The thought rattled around in her mind before coming into sharp focus. She now had a plan and knew exactly what to do.

"They're dumb deer!" Nick still was watching the approaching truck with great apprehension and didn't seem to catch the relevance.

"Regardless carrots, I'd say they're still pretty dangerous." Judy shook her head and told Nick what to do.

"See that intersection up there? Start breaking but don't go below forty and put your hand on the parking brake. Don't pull it till I saw so!"

"What!?"

"Just do it!"

Nick gulped hard and began to break as they approached the intersection just near the small town. Judy watched carefully as the intersection, waiting for her speed to drop just enough that she could pull off what she hoped for. Right before she turned the wheel hard to the left she shouted.

"NOW!"

The beast shuddered as its tail swung around and its tires screeched in protest to the extreme maneuver. Simultaneously Judy switched off the lights, awaiting those from the truck to come to just the right spot. Nick was panicking at this point, totally unsure why Judy had left them sitting still at an intersection as a truck full of angry deer came barreling down at them.

"Carrots! What are you doing!?" In the darkness it was impossible to see, but Judy now had a devious grin plastered across her face.

"Wait for it…"

"Wait for what!?" The car was now finally in position, Judy grabbed the light stalk and pulled.

"SHINE THEM!"

Nick's jaw went slack as he saw the deer's truck illuminated with the high beams from the car. All of the deer sat there, totally frozen, staring at them unable to look away. The truck then drifted too far to the right side of the road and went off into the ditch, flipping over and landing upside down. Not sure what had just happened, Nick put the car into first and drove slowly towards the crash. He didn't get it, what happened?

"What did you just do?"

Judy chuckled to herself. "I 'shined' them. HA! I haven't done that in years!"

"You what?"

"We often think deer are pretty stupid out where I'm from. It was a prank that we used to play on them all the time. If you shine a bright light at a deer in the dark they'll freeze. I never thought I would have to use it again after the last time." Nick's jaw was still slack.

"Wait, last time? You've done this before!?" Judy laughed a little casting a casual glance at the crash scene to make sure that none of the deer were dead.

"Eh, that's a story for another time. Let's go home."

Nick shrugged, there wasn't anything to argue with her about there. He added a bit of throttle and set off towards Zootopia. It was at this point though that he finally took stock of the horrible smell that was now filling the car.

"Carrots, why do you smell like a swamp?" Judy looked up at Nick from his lap, now slightly embarrassed at the seating situation and also just a little self-conscious about the way she smelled.

"Well, you see I had to hide my scent and I figured tha-" Nick regretted asking the question, clearly it had made Judy a little uncomfortable. He put his paws on hers and politely brushed them off the steering wheel.

"Don't worry about it carrots. It's all part of the job. Now, why don't you take a break and let me drive us back to the station."

Judy looked like she was about to protest but she reconsidered. She really was bone tired and Nick was really soft. Before she knew it she was drifting asleep as Nick kept driving. He felt his cheeks burn a little as she nuzzled up to him, but only for a moment. Right now, he needed to get back to Zootopia before the extra-large cup of coffee that he had downed wore off.

A few hours later they were back in Zootopia, and Nick had parked the car in the station's back lot. He carefully woke up Judy and he led her into the station to deposit the evidence on Bogo's desk for him to look at in the morning. Nick put together the physical and digital folders and then led Judy back out to their normal car. With Judy still bleary eyed he drove them back to his place.

Arriving at his apartment Nick looked at the time and realized that it was almost sunrise. Deciding to take advantage of the situation he shook Judy awake.

"Hey sleepy head, sorry to wake you but I really want to show you something."

"Huh? What is it?" Nick gave her a mischievous grin and grabbed her by the hand.

"Come with me."

Taking Judy by the hand Nick quickly led her up to where his apartment was and then up a staircase that she had never seen before.

"Where does this go?"

"You'll see…"

Getting to the top of the stairs there was yet another door. Grabbing a key from his pocket Nick unlocked it and led Judy onto the roof garden that sat atop his loft. Judy breathed deeply in the cool morning air and marveled at how delicious everything smelled.

 _No wonder his cooking always tastes so great._

Nick took his paw though and gently placed it under her chin, carefully moving her head towards the east. The sun rose in an explosion of color between the buildings of the city, in a sight that couldn't be captured in any postcard that Nick had ever seen at a gift shop. Judy stared in marvel at the beautiful sight, temporarily forgetting just how tired she was.

"It's beautiful!" Nick put his paw on his shoulder, and then removed it, inspecting its now thick layer of muck.

"Yup." Nick dropped a hose in Judy's paw. Still staring at the sunrise she looked at the hose in her hand and turned around just in time to see Nick wave goodbye as he slammed shut the door leading back into the apartment. Judy ran over and started banging on it.

"Hey! What's the big idea!?"

"Hose yourself a little before I let you back in! I am not cleaning out the shower again this week carrots!"

Feeling slightly defeated Judy did as he requested. The water was cold, and it wasn't exactly a relaxing shower. Then again, she figured that was for the best, because as soon as Nick came back to open the door for her she blasted him with the hose.

"I deserved that." Nick said as he sipped what was left of his now mildly warm coffee. Gingerly putting it aside, he picked up another hose and decided to repay Judy in kind.

Meanwhile at the police station, Bogo arrived to find all the files and evidence on his desk. As usual, Nick and Judy did excellent work. Looking through the files Bogo saw that he had more than enough evidence to shut down the catnip ring, though his heart sank as he saw Judy's photo of "El Patrón".

 _Not all the evidence in the world could convict that feline Hopps…_

He paused though as he finished reading through the file. At the end there was an addendum from Nick.

 _Sorry about the interior of the car. Good luck with that!_

Concerned, Bogo stood up and headed to the back lot. From a distance the car looked fine, as he neared it though, it began to stink a little. He hoped that it was just because they had been out in the country but upon opening the door he was overwhelmed by the smell of swamp. He stared in abject horror at the mud that seemed to have been thrown about on the inside of the car. Balling up his hooves Bogo screamed into the air.

"WILDE!"

In the country though, Buck received a call, a call he could not deny. He borrowed his wife's car and said goodbye to his daughter. He drove back to the cabin, a bottle filled with gasoline and stuffed with a rag in the passenger seat and a lighter in his pocket. He saw the cops there, the local sheriff and the deputy, it didn't matter. He calmly stepped out of the car, and ignoring their polite greetings lit the bottle's long rag, throwing it as hard as he could into the cabin. It caught fire faster than anyone expected, consuming the cabin in a matter of minutes, almost as though it had been prepared the night before...

Buck stood there silently, lifting his hooves over his head, tears in his eyes.


	11. Chapter 11: A Cuddle Conspiracy

Nick sat back in his chair, his paws folded contemplatively as he stared at the ceiling. His eyes were squarely fixed on infinity as he zoned out in front of his desk, not really bothering to take note of the agitated rabbit coming towards him. Judy's voice was hard when she addressed him.

"Working hard huh?" Nick let his eyes come back into focus and stretched a little as he replied.

"You know it!" He shifted so that he could make eye contact with her, "what's up?"

"We're supposed to be working and you're zoning out!"

"Yeah, well we haven't really had anything to do since last week. After breaking up that Catnip farm there really hasn't been much for us to do."

"What do you mean that there isn't much for us to do? That Puma is still out there, what we should be doing is trying to put him in jail." Nick became more serious but broke eye contact with Judy.

"Look Hopps, you know as well as I do that's not going to happen." Nick shifted in his chair to turn back to the computer that he was working at, absentmindedly opening up the case file to make a point.

"What do you mean it's not going to happen!? I was an eyewitness and he gave me his business card!" Nick reached for a cup of coffee and took a long sip, glancing back at her before setting it down and pulling up a page on the puma.

"Yes, and what you told me is that he 'intimidated' one of the workers and then left after making sure that his property was in good condition. All of that is perfectly legal Carrots, and furthermore he is Santiago Vasquez, one of the most powerful mammals in Zootopia." Judy had heard this all before and was trying her best not to let it get to her, but she was still angry.

"So what!? I don't care if he owns one of the largest pharmaceutical companies in the city, and I don't care if he's managed to do stuff like this for years because of 'technicalities.' He is connected to more crime in this city than any other mammal – since Al Capybara!" Nick sighed and turned in his chair to face her again.

"Oh yeah? And what proof do you have?"

"Well I- "

"Exactly, you don't have any. No one does. Judy, I care about you so I am going to ask you to do something for me." Judy's annoyance left as Nick gave her a soft look and she felt a growing concern.

"Sure, what is it?"

"Give up on him."

"What!?"

"Promise me. He's not worth it Judy. He's not worth risking your career, your reputation, your life. Just promise that you won't go after him okay?" Judy looked down at the floor and shuffled her feet as she tried to formulate a response. When she looked up though she saw Nick's eyes had grown large, filled with genuine concern. She looked up as Nick grabbed her paws, head hung low in a silent plea.

"I… I guess I could let this go…" Nick reached in and gave her a hug.

"Thank you."

At about that moment their radios crackled to life as Clawhauser buzzed them.

"Hey guys? Bogo needs you down in his office." Judy picked up her radio and responded.

"Alright, we're on our way, you know what for?"

"Don't know. He just told me to get you two."

Judy and Nick shrugged as they went towards Bogo's office, arriving only about ten minutes later. Entering his office, they noticed a pile of tissues and a tigress sitting at one side of the desk, chief Bogo trying to console her as he stood at her side. Nick and Judy cautiously approached, giving a mild cough to signal their presence. Bogo turned around and nodded towards them.

"Here they are miss, these two are some of our finest. If anyone is going to find him these two can." Judy and Nick both nodded and Judy spoke up to address her.

"That's right. Just tell us what happened and we'll start looking into it." The tigress sniffed as she took up another tissue and blew into it.

"Thank you. I… I really feel pretty silly with all of you making such a big deal out of this." Bogo padded her on the shoulder.

"That's because it _is_ a big deal miss." She touched his hoof and nodded before looking back at Judy and Nick.

"Alright. Well, a little over three weeks ago I met a Bison, his name was Greg, though that's probably not his real name. He and I were hanging out for a while and then last night… Something happened…" Judy looked concerned.

"What happened?"

"We got dinner, then we went back to his place. I remember that I didn't feel right, I felt… Funny… It wasn't me, something was wrong but-but I did it anyway…" She was crying a little bit again now.

"Did what?"

"After the movie… We… We cuddled…" Judy looked a little stunned as the silence elongated and she realized that this is what was making the tigress so upset. She didn't understand what the big deal was.

"So?" The tigress looked up, understanding a bit of Judy's confusion.

"You don't get it. I don't _like_ him like that. I didn't want to be close to him like that. What happened that night wasn't something that I wanted to have happen." Judy was starting to look a little annoyed.

"So? Just because you re-" Nick covered Judy's mouth and reached around with another paw to pass a tissue to her. He looked up at chief Bogo who nodded back to him. Uncovering Judy's mouth he pointed her in the direction of the door and chief Bogo.

"Sorry about that. Tell me everything that you can remember about Greg…"

Judy walked with chief Bogo in silence as she glowered at the floor, miffed at what was going on. When he felt that they had reached a safe distance Bogo opened the conversation.

"That wasn't very professional Hopps."

"What do you mean? It sounds to me like she is just crying about a decision that she happened to regret." Bogo rolled his eyes.

"Sure. That's what it sounds like if you don't bother to hear the rest of the story." Judy's annoyance turned to embarrassment as she sensed a new bit of information coming forward. Bogo opened up a file that he had been holding in his other hoof since they left the office.

"You see Hopps, when she first came in she told the boys downstairs that the bison 'Greg' gave her an odd looking drink before all of this. Said it was a special cocktail but she said it tasted … off."

Judy tensed up as the realization hit her.

"Drugs… again…"

"Yeah." He sighed "For that reason, we're treating this as a sexual assault case. When she was at Greg's apartment that night it wasn't her Hopps, and that tigress that Greg brought out of her used her body _without_ her permission." Judy's embarrassment crashed over like a tsunami.

"I must look like a total jerk."

"Yup." Bogo shrugged and started leading her back towards his office, "oh, and one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"We had a doctor take blood samples after we suspected drugs. Care to guess what they found?"

"Catnip?"

"No, but you're not far off. A derivative of a far more powerful plant. Night Howler."

"Not this again." Bogo chuckled a little bit as he stood outside his door.

"What? You really think mammals would ignore the discovery of one of the most powerful psychoactive plants now known to exist. Someone was bound to find new uses for it eventually, seems that this is just one of them. And it's our job to shut this one down too, just like the last one."

Judy sighed as Bogo passed her the folder and opened the door for her. Nick got up from where he was and walked over to meet with her as Bogo returned to comfort the Tigress and close up her interview. Nick didn't have to say anything, the shame was written on her face. He put one arm around Judy's shoulders and guided her out of the office, trying to make her feel a little less bad about what had just happened.

These lines conflict

 **Authors note:**

Sexual assault and rape are both extremely serious offenses and should be treated as such regardless of the situation in which they occur. For victims of such crimes, both male and female, it is extremely important that you contact your nearest qualified consular or member of law enforcement. I have received training in these areas when I was in college and I encourage those who are in college or considering college to strongly consider volunteering their time with organizations to help those who are victims of such crime. Thank you.


	12. Chapter 12: A Buffalo Named Greg

Judy and Nick walked back to their office to hammer out a plan for how they were going to nab this Buffalo. Before they could do that though, they both needed to have an important conversation about what had just happen. Or more appropriately, what hadn't. Nick walked past the break room and grabbed a cup of coffee as Judy walked next to him staring at the floor. After taking a sip of his coffee Nick sighed and decided that now was as good a time as any.

"Look Carrots, don't beat yourself up over it. If I know the cases that you've been on, this is your first one involving any kind of sexual assault." Judy didn't look up, still examining in great detail the polished concrete under her foot.

"You're right, it's just… Well… I've heard stories of certain females abusing the law and the rights it gives them. I don't know why, but I just assumed that she was doing the same."

"Don't you think you're letting it get a bit personal?" Judy looked up to meet Nick's gaze.

"What do you mean? How am I letting this get personal?" Nick took another sip of his coffee before he continued with his train of thought.

"I've heard the stories too. How young females will regret being with someone of a different species, and to avoid the embarrassment of letting the information get out simply claim that they were assaulted, or worse." He cast a casual glance at her, "of course, you would never do anything like that." He said with a sly grin. In a hushed tone Judy hissed back at Nick.

"I thought we promised we wouldn't talk about that at work! What if-" Nick held a free paw up to her lips.

"Relax. No one here has any proof of that. All I'm saying is that you shouldn't let your personal life influence your decisions like that. Besides, I think _he_ can fend for himself." Nick gave her a discrete wink and motioned for them to keep walking towards their offices.

As they arrived back in their familiar chairs Judy decided to pick up the next part of the conversation.

"Alright, so what do we know about this guy?" Nick picked through the folder they had been given.

"Quite a bit actually. It seems that he knew our tigress for some time before he made his move. We have a name, an address, his place of work, everything really. As far as I can tell, we have enough information to arrest him in today, collect the evidence tomorrow and get a conviction by next week."

"Well, it sounds like we don't have any time to lose. I'll put in a request for a search warrant on the apartment now. It should get cleared just little after we arrive."

"Now there's just one more thing that we have to worry about…"

"That being?"

"Whether or not you're going to get to the car before me."

"I don't see…" Nick took off sprinting.

"Last one has to ride shotgun!" Judy smirked a little, confident in the outcome of this little contest.

By the time Nick arrived at the black muscle car, he was out of breath and Judy was perched lazily on the hood. He staggered forward and let one tired paw land on the hood of the car as he tried to catch his breath and passed the keys to Judy. She twirled them around before throwing them up into the air and catching them with her other paw.

"Remind me again how you passed physical training?" Nick wheezed out his response.

"Easily… I just had to run a mile in seven minutes… not…"

"Six minutes?" Judy gave a smug look as Nick let his head fall into his arms.

"Exactly…" Judy got off the hood of the car and unlocked the side door as Nick dragged himself into the passenger seat.

The car still smelled like the northern woods, and a few of the mud stains from their last case seemed to have stubbornly stayed put despite Bogo's best efforts. It was in fact because of all the stains that he'd ceded the car over to Nick and Judy as their new squad car, as he no longer felt like buying it.

 _Pity._ Nick mused to himself. _It's still a fantastic car, though it does smell a bit more rural now._

Judy drove them to the apartment building where the tigress had said Greg lived, and where the incident had taken place. It wasn't much to look at, overall a very standard apartment building with brick and limestone accents. Walking up to the front Judy buzzed the landlord's office and explained to them the situation. It wasn't long before a frazzled looking Skunk came to the door and greeted them.

"Bonjour? Ah, pardon moi, I mean 'hello.'" Judy, being closer in height addressed the Skunk first.

"Hello, we were hoping to talk to you about one of your residents."

"Ah yes, Greg Stinson no?"

"That's the one! What can you tell us about him?" The Skunk took a moment to mull over the question before giving them his response.

"Monsieur Greg is a good mammal; I have no idea of why you would accuse him of hurting a poor tigress. Besides, I don't really think that he is big enough to really do anything to threaten such a large mammal." Judy and Nicked looked towards each other before Nick answered.

"Greg's a Bison… He's more than capable-"

"A Bison? No, he's a squirrel last I checked?" Judy's ears perked up at this.

"A squirrel? Are you sure?"

"Yes, of course I am. It's not very often that a mammal as small as a squirrel asks to rent an apartment normally meant for an elephant." Nick and Judy were both dumbfounded at this point blankly answering in unison.

"Uh huh…"

They let him trail off about how strange it seemed to him that 'Greg' was willing to pay the high rent for such a large room. He could only assume that he came from a very wealthy family, which of course led to a tangent about his family history. Wrapping up the conversation with him, Nick explained that they would be back later with the search warrant for his apartment, but that for now they were going to talk to his neighbors.

Stopping first at the neighbor just down the hall they were greeted by a Cow who explained that she thought 'Greg' was very polite, though admitted that she didn't see him very often since he was nocturnal and apparently a possum. The neighbor across the hall was a Kangaroo who told them that 'Greg' was an Alpaca with 'mad' beatboxing skills. Still another neighbor informed them that 'Greg' was a Wombat, and that he apparently had horridly bad breath. No matter who they interviewed they never got the same description of 'Greg.' It was abundantly clear at this point that 'Greg' was merely a name for the individual that happened to live in this apartment at any particular moment in time. Nick and Judy went downstairs and waited in the lobby to go over everything that they had so far, with Judy beginning the summary.

"So far we have several witnesses who have all seen 'Greg.'"

"Yup. Except all of them have a description of 'Greg' that varies wildly in coloration, mannerisms and, most importantly, his _species_." Judy sighed before continuing.

"Exactly, and he apparently paid for his rent with _cash_ every month. Could this case get any more bizarre?" Nick flinched.

"Never say that Carrots…" Judy gave a half smile and playfully punched Nick in the shoulder.

"Don't be superstitious! Granted what we've seen so far is pretty odd, but I'm sure that when we open up that apartment everything will make sense! We're bound to find something!" Nick took another sip from a cup of coffee that he'd gotten on the way there.

"Whatever you say."

At that moment their phones buzzed, informing them that they had just received an email from the county clerk's office. Attached was the warrant that they needed in order to enter the apartment. Quickly, they headed downstairs and showed the landlord said warrant, and he guided them to the elevator. They then followed him to the apartment that hopefully held the answers to the myriad of questions now surrounding it. Unlocking the heavy door at a special skunk sized second lock, the Skunk pushed hard and slowly moved it to one side.

Before them stood… An empty room. There was nothing there to indicate that anyone had ever even lived there. The white pine floors were pristine, and the kitchen looked as if it had never been used. The entire place radiated eerie vibes as a grave hush fell over the three shocked mammals. Nick took another sip from his cup of coffee.

"Remember when you said it couldn't get any weirder?" Judy didn't even bother to look at him when she answered.

"Shut up."

 **Author's Note:**

Noting that my second largest audience seems to be in Ukraine, I just wanted to say hello and thank you for reading! I don't speak any Ukrainian or Russian so I am not even going to try and write something out in those languages… Well, except the following for which I apologize in advance: сука блять! Sorry, that's the only Russian I know and it's because I play games online. Anyway, my grandfather and his family were Kulaks from the Ukraine! Well, him and his family _were_ Kulaks before the Holodomor famine and Stalin. All I'm trying to say is that I have a small but significant connection to you readers from Ukraine and that it makes me very happy that you are reading and enjoying my work. Thank you!


End file.
